unlink

letter to an old friend:

hello,

thank you for sending me a form email requesting to be linked to me professionally. you were a budding lawyer fresh out of law school the last time i saw you. i remember when i was invited to your wedding and i debated whether or not you really wanted me to be there. i vividly remember that your bride did not.

i went anyway.

the first time i saw you, we were on a flight from london to venice. no offense, but you weren't the one that i thought was cute. and yet, after splitting a bottle of red italian wine, i had a change of thought. you gave me a red rose, and i thought you were sweet. your companions egged me on, encouraging a kiss in exchange. i agreed, and before i knew it we were quite the spectacle, trying to hide in glass phone booths and under street lights.

omg. it was only that one time.

after the red wine faded and the sun came into view. i woke up. it never happened again. my decision. it would never last beyond italy.

we shall always have venice, but we shall not be linked in.

kindest regards,
sophie

chinese

i have already worked 37 hours this week.

i am pretty exhausted. and work just isn't letting up.

but the bf and i set some time aside to have a lovely dinner together.

it was nice to spend time for some ma po tofu, fried rice, hot and sour soup, and each other.

and in the words of the bf: i am very tolerant of other cultures!

filthy

another relaxing weekend in the hamptons.

it is most definitely worth the four hour flight.

we spent saturday on the deck. sunning. swimming. smiling.

dinner at at bobby van's steakhouse. we had filthy martinis and the lollipop steak special with lobster mac 'n cheese. mm. the bf ordered the cod with miso, and it was wonderful.

later that night, jenga and poker were on the table. more martinis.

it is so disgusting but i fell in love with the bf over and over again. smack over poker hands. the thought of his technicolor body (various shades due to the tortures of the sun) still makes me laugh.

sunday meant a late rising and a quick drive to sag harbor. brunch was nice with bloody marys and french toast. a stroll along the main streets. and walking along the pier.

i heard the temperature got up to 113 in phoenix today.

i am so glad i missed it.

job

i don't talk about my job much.

to you.

but let's just say that i am keeping a list and a folder and an email inbox; an arsenal of evidence for why. and one day i will look back and this will just be another blip on my career radar.

my daily exercise consists of "it is what it is"s and "i can only do what i can do"s. b.s. talk. i talk myself off the ledge, i will myself not to take it seriously, not to get involved, to stay detached, to remain noncommittal.

i don't tell you much about my job.

but i will say this.

if you ever get the chance to turn down a job that has "typically been difficult to keep filled."

turn it down.

wordle

just when i was wondering what to put up on our blank walls:



i am going to make mine soon.

go here to create your own.

ack

to prep for the upcoming family weekend, i have accidentally fallen ill.

i didn't know colds existed in arizona.

i know you can get sick anywhere, and suddenly even the desert sun will feel good on your face.

that's how i know i am really not well.

ex

oh hello.

it is your birthday again.

every year it catches me by surprise. yet i expect it.

every year i wonder what you are doing. and i hate it.

you are married now, and today i wondered how you would celebrate your birthday. i wonder what she looks like, mostly. i wonder if you settled, and if you would even let me believe that. i would like to think that you didn't settle, that you found someone who matches you, like i did.

you told me that you married her because you wanted to feel secure. i should have told you that marriage doesn't buy you that, but by then it was already too late. you told me you weren't ready to get married until you were 27, a veiled jab to remind me of how you supposedly proposed when you stuttered out, "if you were single, would you marry me?"

a stutter that i never answered.

i know we weren't meant to be together, and i harbor no regrets, no feelings, for you.

i never want to be with you.

and yet i keep wondering.

grey

i missed the opportunity to buy this sweater, and i am so sad that i lost it:



today i found it online, but not in my size. boo.

8.08.08

happy lucky day!

it's been a long week.

the (week)end is finally here.

we are set to have dinner with the bf's manager and husband at salt cellar.

i feel like scallops. and white wine.

it's supposed to be a lucky day today. 88 being similar to the chinese character for happiness and all.

and it's been a pretty good one.

tomorrow, vegas. we shall see if the luck stays with us.

pigbutt

i learned a new word today.

spoony.

and i like it.

i like that the bf and i both drive home so we can spend 20 minutes together before he leaves for a work dinner. we live together. we can't get enough of each other. we get more than enough. we are always in our faces. we are all over ourselves. it's just what we do. that's just us.

being our spoony selves.

and i like it.