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i got a little older today.

last night, the bf and i celebrated at lola tapas.

they have community tables. low lighting. great food. my favorite kind of place.

i am thankful for many things today, and i thank you for the sweet birthday wishes.

flying home today - bracing myself for a familiar minnesota winter.

i can't wait.

kiss kiss.

un

some days, i feel like i am drowning.

i can't breathe and i don't know why.

lately i have been holding my breath and sighing,

but today i just feel trapped.

reality

you know you are getting older when, seemingly overnight, you just don't understand the kids on the real world anymore.

dining

the bf and i recently bought a small dining room table. i love sitting down to dinner.

we are now in the search for dining room chairs, and because i am a capricorn, i need (1) to find fabulous chairs that i love and (2) at a fraction of what a normal person might pay. this combined with the bf's love of comfort over design makes for a lovely shopping experience.

but i do love it. especially on a rainy day such as this one.

we stopped to check out a possible option on sunday:


at $125 for all four, i really wanted them to work out. but, they really didn't. the price was right, but the quality just wasn't there.

onward.

i am now checking on ebay, craigslist, lushpad, and cb2, eq3, west elm, etc.

how about these options:






i just can't do it. one of those chairs will be $100, more than what we would have paid for all four above. sigh. i suppose i will just keep looking.

okay. i've decided on louis xvi chairs in white on white. how fabulous is that?! let me know if you find them for cheap!

season

and before you know it, fifteen days have passed.

tis the season for family + friends, i suppose.

my 'rents came for a quick visit last week, during which i alternately loved and hated their overbearing love.

we spent time at the desert botanical gardens at papago park. and by "spent time" i mean "walked around taking pictures for approximately three and a half hours, leaving only to go back two hours later to take evening shots." we also spent quality time here, as my dad only really enjoys having chinese or japanese food. needless to say, i gorged myself on pizza the day after they departed.

all in all, a very pleasant visit, and i was sad to see them return home.

this past weekend the bf and i went to washington dc for his sister's graduation. it was another fun-filled family holiday, and it was lovely despite the minor drama.

i will say that it is bitterly cold in washington dc this time of year, and the weather in phoenix suddenly doesn't seem so bad.

it is nice to be home, wherever that might be.

chatterbox

i could have had you.

and i knew it. i knew by how you were looking at me and making me laugh. how you were trying to figure me out between games.

the bf had just barely come back into my life, and we were still sorting things out, the way you do after you have a beneficial relationship for years with no attachments.

i was, theoretically, free.

and yet. when the moment happened and you told me how you felt about me, how you could feel about me,

i knew i could have had you. i thought that a kiss could just be a kiss but maybe there would be something else. a spark, perhaps. that thing. our future relationship flashed before my eyes and i could see us laughing and being together. we could have fun and date and get to know each other because i always thought, and still think, that you are a fantastic person. i didn't have to tell you that i had to figure out where the bf and i were going, what we were doing, i doubted us, but i had to find out if. i didn't have to sit there and look into your disappointed face. you could have just kissed me. we could have just leaned across the table and closed the inches between us.

sigh.

but the greatest part of it all is, we didn't.