chatterbox

i could have had you.

and i knew it. i knew by how you were looking at me and making me laugh. how you were trying to figure me out between games.

the bf had just barely come back into my life, and we were still sorting things out, the way you do after you have a beneficial relationship for years with no attachments.

i was, theoretically, free.

and yet. when the moment happened and you told me how you felt about me, how you could feel about me,

i knew i could have had you. i thought that a kiss could just be a kiss but maybe there would be something else. a spark, perhaps. that thing. our future relationship flashed before my eyes and i could see us laughing and being together. we could have fun and date and get to know each other because i always thought, and still think, that you are a fantastic person. i didn't have to tell you that i had to figure out where the bf and i were going, what we were doing, i doubted us, but i had to find out if. i didn't have to sit there and look into your disappointed face. you could have just kissed me. we could have just leaned across the table and closed the inches between us.

sigh.

but the greatest part of it all is, we didn't.