gift

the bf is away for tonight.

LAX.

allowed me time to stay at work late.

and then shop online for his birthday present.

it is always so difficult to buy the bf a gift. he is not so much picky, but he is particular.

i can usually spot something he likes and note in my head, but sometimes, like this year, i have no idea what to get him. and so i sit. and spin. my wheels.

last year, for instance, i decided that he needed an upgraded ipod speaker set. at first i wanted to get the bose brand. but after months of research (and pure agony over price), i picked the griffin evolve. so pretty. overall i'd say my gift got about an A-, considering the bf never gets super excited about gifts and the fact that he still uses it on a regular basis.

i am trying to recall past presents, but i honestly can't remember, and this blog is useless for information that i actually might need. nice to know my memory spans approximately one year but not beyond that. sad.

if anyone has any ideas, i'm open.

nicety

today the checkout girl at trader joe's said:

[me handing her my driver's license]

"are you sure this isn't a fake? you look ten years younger than it says!"

bless her. in a thousand tiny ways, bless her.

bos

just got back from boston.

we planned a wonderful surprise 60th birthday dinner for my dad.

i saw him standing there with his usual smirk, surrounded by his family. my uncles and aunts. cousins. cousin-ettes.

he was surprised when all his kids showed up. so cute!

overall a lovely weekend in massachusetts.*

i think my dad liked that we all made the trip out to spend time with him on his birthday. after years of traveling for work and missing his own birthday at home, we made an effort to be together for this one. and i'm glad we did. he is so worth it.

dim sum in chinatown's china pearl. shabu shabu.

and brunch at a japanese restaurant** before we headed out to the restaurant.

* sans the driving debacles. the streets of downtown boston were planned by madmen.

** my dad prefers asian cuisine, natch.

ack

it is very hard for me to take a step back sometimes.

i want to be able to inhale. exhale. and let it go.

but some. people. make me so. angry.

definitely a tough day to rise about the rattle.

instead i toiled in the tumult.

and couldn't seem to climb out if it.

still trying.

blue&white

things on my mind for no good reason:

boo

"Love beyond the ego has to be on a new basis. It's not about quid pro quo, giving as long as you get to take. It's mutual. It exists in a space between two people. The only way to be deeply happy in a relationship is to find that space every time you lose it. In this way, love goes beyond affection and being nice. Loving acts blossom naturally once you find the place in your own awareness that is love. Needless to say, becoming aware is a process, in love as in everything." - deepak chopra

yesterday i was so tired of love.

i couldn't remember what it felt like to not be. so. tired. the bf and i are amazing. we are amazingly in love. and yet. i feel so tired because the one thing we fight about, the one thing that covers an entire spectrum of emotions, is the one thing that i have always wanted. and that he hasn't been able to give me.

he wants me to be happy. that's all. he's ever. wanted. i get it. i have heard it. over and over. but the one thing that i think will make me the happiest is the one thing that he is unable to make happen.

and so i wait. and sometimes i get tired. of love. but never of the two of us.

10

happy october!

the bf bought a car today. i wanted him to get something that he loved, but i think he got something that will get him from point a to point b for the next five years.

bo-ring.

oh well. there go our carpooling days.