wife

sidebar:
yesterday, when we landed in phoenix, we went to a favorite dinner spot for a quick bite. after egg rolls, tom yum soup, and a curry noodle dish, the boy called a tire place to see if we could get in. when he asked about how long it would take, i heard him say, "i'm just wondering if i should have my wife pick me up later." and it was absolutely fabulous and super weird! how delightful.

mrs

we did it!

and what. a wonderful. week!

it was seriously so fantastic i want to do it all over again. to be in our favorite holiday spot and share with our family and friends. sigh. it was amazing. and worth every breakdown, every tear, and every penny.

when i thought about my wedding, all i could think about was the favors, the menus, the paper fans at the ceremony, the program, the centerpieces, my bouquet, my hair, his socks, my makeup, his cufflinks, the father/daughter dance song, the wedding cake, the shot list, the table runners, the welcome bags, the family dinner, and all the rest of the details.

i forgot to think about what my father would look like seeing sea lions up close on a boat tour of land's end, the smiles on the girls when i tried to name who brought my each pair of underwear and forced to chew a piece of gum for each fail (read: i was up to, like, ten pieces), watching my brothers during their readings, yoga with my mom and brother, hearing our event planner telling us about how few weddings touch her heart, winking at beloved friends during the ceremony, clinking margaritas, singing karaoke at miguel loco's, dirty dancing at cabo wabo, friends telling you over and over how beautiful you look, watching the husband and his friend get knocked over by a huge wave in a cove, seeing my family's sunburns, having lobster at edith's, the wave knocking over half the tables at the dinner reception, and the tears on the bf's face while i walked down the aisle.

i know now why they say that all the details don't really matter.

because they don't. the big stuff does. our family and friends. sharing our moment. absolute perfection in imperfection.

i'll never forget it.

we are blessed.

and this is our happily ever after.

off

we leave tomorrow!

cabo or bust! :)

y

i am trying not to lose it. i really want to keep it together this week. i really need this.

i went to the dentist this morning - regular cleaning but for the past three days my teeth and gums have been throbbing like holy h. no cavities. but because i have severe allergies here, i have been breathing out of my mouth while sleeping. hear? i am a mouth-breather.

so now, i can either try try try to control my allergies (it hasn't worked for 32 years, why would it work now?) or put vaseline on my gums at night (ew). yippee!

also, my mom has decided that this is the BEST time to ask me for our resort information as all of a sudden her friend's daughter also wants to plan her wedding in cabo. wtf? now?! why can't she let me have this moment?! all i ask is for. one. week.

plus, there is a last minute guest that is still UNDECIDED. listen lady, if you are undecided four days before the wedding, please don't make my life miserable by coming so that i have to freak out about place settings and placecards and upping the guest list. please. don't. attend.

argh.

all

today, it's simple.

i am deeply grateful.

/\/

i am remembering you tonight.

you told me you started the night we met and never stopped.

you say that to all the girls.

and i loved your words. you begged my coworker to introduce us. i received a random email introduction. i spotted you in the office one day.

you. have. a way. with words.

i do love the way you spin me so that i am surrounded by words that make me swoon. i fell in love with the things that you would tell me. say to me. write to me. and in return you were rebuffed and rejected. i soaked in the power. took baths in it. with you i felt a million feet tall. super.

and yet. i never felt that spark with you. the thing i know you're supposed to have but we didn't. i let my guard down for a moment because i loved the way you love me, not the way i liked you back.

one time you asked me to marry you. over the phone. i thought it was so lame at the time, so silly. how was i supposed to take you seriously when you couldn't even look me in the eye and ask me? you had a plan. you would drop everything and we would be together, if i would. just. give you. a chance.

i regret the way it went down. and i regret the hurt i caused. but i don't regret the decision i made. not for a moment.

dis

what people don't tell you about planning a wedding is the unhappiness you will inevitably encounter along the way.

don't get me wrong, planning a wedding can be blissful, and fun, and surreal. and totally girlie.

all things that i love.

it can also be a major exercise in disappointment.

like it or not, there will be people who will not rsvp by the date requested, some not at all. not ever. some people will not respond to your follow-up call/email/text. people will not send in their rsvp even if a follow-up is made. even if it is specifically requested. there will be unknowns. great friends will miss your wedding. and you will unfairly place blame. and you will feel sad. and disappointment. and regret.

hey, it is an emotional time. and boy, is it an emotional ride. it's super high highs, to fantastic zen moments, to uncharacteristically low lows. it spans the spectrum of everything you can think of in feelings.

i'd like to think that it's the feelings that stay with you. the good ones. the ones where you realize that even though everything isn't working out the way you want it to, it is working out the way it supposed to be.

so you let go. and release. and give the negative energy away.

you+me

and it's may day!!

i don't even know if that's one word. grin.

it's the final month of our engagement. and i'm reflective today. it certainly has been a whirlwind of emotions. don't get me wrong. our engagement has been full high highs and extremely low lows. i thought that spinning myself a web of wedding would keep me safe. and keep me sane. by keeping the bf away.

but i forgot that the wedding is about two people. not all our guests. certainly not only about me, although the jokes about my wedding never get old. it's about the bf and me. you + me. we always said that no matter what, at the end of the day, it is just you and me. getting through it all together.

and no matter what communication breakdowns we endure, no matter what disagreements we have, no matter how many concessions and compromises we make, we will always have each other.

and that's what matters.

balloon

i'm in LOVE with these chairs:



why do they have to be so crazy expensive? i am looking for other options.