first

a letter to my sister-in-law from 9.13.2010:

hi dollface!

we are going for sure. i'm exhausted and feel like crap but we're going. :)

i'm feeling terrible! i know i should feel all blissed out and glowing, but honestly i've had 24/7 morning sickness for the past 5 weeks, and i am sooooo sick of feeling horrible. i found out at about 5 weeks because i was coming home from work and going to bed at 8p. i didn't know why i was so exhausted, and it was about a week before my period was due. h was out of town for work, so i picked up a pregnancy test just to rule it out. it turned positive so fast i almost passed out!! i tried another test in the morning, same thing. eep!! so i told him it might be some kind of fluke/false-positive and i would try again a week later. so a week later i did it again and made him look and he wouldn't tell me what it was (i guess that was our special, stupid way!). so i looked and again, it said "YES" and i almost peed myself again. we weren't exactly trying, we were not not trying, you know? anyway, sheesh. so fast! who knew? i was convinced it would take us two old biddies a while to get it right.

and hell yes, we're going to find out the sex of the baby. you know me. i gotta plan my whole life around this now. :) we won't find out until about 20 weeks, which drives me crazy because i'm only halfway there.

i don't think we're going to move back anytime soon, but i'm hoping my kid won't have to go to school here. :)

but we're excited. i'm just too sick to be too happy about it right now. i bought ginger tea, ginger candy, ginger gum, ginger saltine crackers (those kind of help), ginger cookies, and those dried fruits that always used to make me feel better. but nothing really helps that much and i can barely eat anything but cheerios and fruit. so sad. :( i'm not that hungry either - just nauseous and exhausted. so you can imagine how i feel at work all day. :) bathrooms make me gag on sight. a fruit and yogurt parfait i had from starbucks was the best thing i've ever had a couple of weeks ago. i also flipped out over a bagel with marmalade. i gag/dry-heave all day long. a friend of ours just got married (i mean JUST like three weeks ago) and they are pregnant as well, and i brought over some ginger crackers and candy and she was like "i was sick for like two days in the morning but then nothing since then" and i wanted to punch her and take those ginger crackers back.

i also can't eat and drink in the same meal sitting. it's super annoying. but my stomach gets really upset. i can't stand the taste of plain water, so i have to put lemon, strawberries, or something in it. the fruit water drinks don't help because they taste too syrupy and sweet. i can't eat too much otherwise my stomach gets upset. i can't eat too little because then i'll get even more nauseous and heave more. i can't stay up too late because i'll start feeling SUPER sick and dry-heave my way to sleep (i worked 14 hours last thursday on a business trip and i thought i was going to die i felt so horrible). it's like having the stomach flu for a month.

i make it sound so FABULOUS, don't i? although at our confirmation appointment i got to see the baby's heartbeat and i cried. that was cute i guess.

other than that, no picnic for me even though everyone tells me how worth it everything is. i'm having a hard time right now!! :)

that's probably way more info than you wanted to know, but stay tuned, i'm sure i'll have better updates for you. :)

xxoooxoxoxo can't wait to see you!
sophie

p.s. i could also cry like every other day if i let myself. i feel like i'm constantly on the verge of a breakdown. glamorous.