down

i find that when i have a problem i become obsessed with figuring it out.

i need. to. understand.

i pour over articles. search online. ask everyone. look for clues. that one golden nugget. the answer.

and this time i know i will never find it. and it's killing me.

because nothing, no excuse, no reason, no explanation, no answer, is good enough.

and yet. i keep asking. i keep searching. and i keep spinning.

i know it's not good for me, i know that i am the source of my own downward spiral.

but i can't help it.

there just has to be a way to move forward for me.

sigh

ugh. definitely not loving my personal life at the moment.

completely, utterly heartbroken.

hopeless.

and i'm only trying to find my way, wherever that might be.