down

i find that when i have a problem i become obsessed with figuring it out.

i need. to. understand.

i pour over articles. search online. ask everyone. look for clues. that one golden nugget. the answer.

and this time i know i will never find it. and it's killing me.

because nothing, no excuse, no reason, no explanation, no answer, is good enough.

and yet. i keep asking. i keep searching. and i keep spinning.

i know it's not good for me, i know that i am the source of my own downward spiral.

but i can't help it.

there just has to be a way to move forward for me.