kvetch

i don't want to be with a malcontent.

i seem to be ebbing versus flowing these days.

when i wonder outside of myself i realize that i am truly happy. heart-settled.

as i step back and see the big picture i know that i am there. i am where i want to be.

i again blame the curse of the capricorns in my constant search of the next. big. thing. it is my burden to carry, this need for motion. to be moving. and not just moving, not just flowing, but climbing. reaching.

and falling short because as soon as i reach it, there is something else.

what is that? purpose. ambition. desire. all of those things and more. i am the steady goat who is quite unsteady in emotion. i suppose that is why so many capricorn personalities are deemed unemotional and cold. because feelings just get in the way of that upward motion you crave.

because i straddle the sagittarius side of things, i am also emotional. the bf got two worlds as well, when he came into life on the left side of scorpio and the right side of sagittarius. but he gets to be emotional and intense. on the other hand, i am "practical" and emotional. somewhat of a contradiction in definition. we live as a realist and an idealist colliding with heart.

i want to be content. to see things as they are, for what is. to take it all in. to burst at the seams because really, my life is pretty wonderful.