mushroom

we went to a birthday bbq last night.

flashback.

[it reminded me of one halloween eve, when i had invited him out with a friend of mine for the night's festivities.

he was, in effect, my date, however loosely interpreted.

we arrived at one party where he promptly left my side and went outside to make a phone call. when he tried to come back inside, he was accosted by audrey hepburn. he proceeded to hang out with her. for the rest of the night.

to his defense, he did try to talk to me once. in the middle of my conversation with a boy, he said something to the effect of "...meeting hot b*tches" wherein i lost all interest.

the night ended with the bf hugging audrey and me hugging a dark angel.]

thank goodness we are past that these days. barely.

he talked to the birthday boy's sister for the majority of the evening. i didn't mind until i went to look for them and they were sitting at a table. on a single patio. having dinner. alone. with fountains around them. in the effing dark.

then, and only then, did i want to scratch her eyes out.

i don't get it. it's clear when i invite him to things that i want him to be there as my bf.

some evenings it just doesn't feel like he is.