one

dear esme,

inspired by tina fey, starting to write down my thoughts for you.

in your first five weeks, you have completely changed our lives and brought us immense joy.

you are so strong. you lifted your head straight up after a couple of days home from the hospital. i think that will be a recurring theme in your life, as you continue to show signs of amazing strength. the grunts that come from you when you are unhappy. the noises you make to let us know when you are unhappy. the gas smiles. the *real* smiles. your frightened whimper. the coos and sighs. sometimes when you look at me i swear you know me. you despise pooping. and you hate dirty diapers even more (just like mama!). the way you can scream bloody murder and suddenly go straight-faced when there is a nipple in your mouth. i call it your first trick. grin. you definitely dislike being put down. you fight sleep like you fight the swaddle that reigns you in and keeps you from flailing and waking yourself up. you sleep in poses. and your nightmares break my heart.

you make me smile every day.

i love watching you interact with your pop. i can't stop taking pictures of the two of you napping together. already daddy's little girl at five weeks old. we joke about you and pop spending the retirement money while i live in some one-bedroom apartment all alone.

the other day:

h: what should i have her call me? pop or dad?

those questions completely melt me.

thank you for coming into our lives. we are better with you in our world.