nano

the bf gave me my birthday present early this year.



in black.

and a bedside carafe for the guest room.

i love it. i love it. i love it.

thank you, bf, for my birthday party presents.

i love you. i love you. i love you.

kayak

i went kayaking with the ex last night.

i am completely addicted to kayaking.

we had to head in because of the impending storm, so we headed to amazing thailand for dinner and his belated birthday celebration. i couldn't resist the name - amazing thailand - such a bold promise!

we caught up while trying the vegetarian spring rolls, chicken pad thai, and tom yum soup.

dinner was, well, less than amazing.

but the company was pretty wonderful.

i always think of my ex as the kind of man that turns a girl around. the kind that makes a girl realize what they are truly worth, that to be treated as like a lady is the very least of what they should expect. and among many other things, the ex did that for me.

he was my hero. he was my knight in shining armor. he was my rock.

and yet, he was not the one for me.

he never captured that part of me that is for no one else.

and that's why it was never to be. no one is to blame; it is what it is.

but i will never stop believing in what he taught me.

and for that i will always be infinitely grateful.

thank you.

relax

i feel great today.

a brief recap of last night:

i went to a "spa" in "eagan" (read: the bf's former manager gave him a spa gift certificate and he graciously re-gifted to me). i made an appointment and told them in advance that i would be paying partially with a gift card.

24-hour cancellation policy aside (come on, people have lives here, things change), i was looking forward to a nice relaxation massage.

So, i went in and received a lovely treatment from ramona.
Only, when i went to pay for it all, they told me of their
Lovely new policy: all gift certificates purchased expire one year after the purchase date. sorry!
In complete disbelief, but still smiling from the side effects of my relaxation halo,
My credit card covered the $94 massage plus a $20 tip.
As I forked over my money, she told me that in august that policy will be illegal, and henceforth, all gift cards will never expire. good news! oh...
Read my lips, honey. you will not be seeing my face (circle hand around face for emphasis) here again.

but i'll tell you what. that grin never left my face.*

*immediately after i left the spa, i called the bf. still riding high from my massage, i could only giggle about it. what could possibly be wrong with paying $94 for a massage when a $45 massage from aveda would suffice? when i feel this great?

the bf, however, was not amused**. he called the spa and they refunded my charge on the spot.

my hero.

**perhaps he needs a massage now.

pants

last night was fantastic.

good friends from madison came to town. pants and her good husband, mr. pants.

we met up at french meadow for dinner. vegan pasta. butternut squash ravioli. tempeh cutlets. house special spaghetti. miso salmon.

and three bottles of pinot grigio.

eight of us: comprised of married couples, a couple, solo for the evening, and solo with baby.

we laughed. played musical chairs to talk to one another.

we shared key lime pie, chocolate flourless cake, and molten lava cake.

all this right when i was feeling down about friendships. my light has rekindled.

i am spoiled and overwhelmed.

cheers to good friends. hope to see you again soon.

ulrika

to my dear reader in sweden:

i think you will be proud to learn that since this post, i have reconsidered.

i held a baby in my arms and fell. hard.

i know that i am not completely ready. i mean hello, i am still immature and selfish. my priorities are out of whack and i can barely get a hold of, much less take care of, myself. but i know that when the time comes, i will look forward to having my own. someday.

don't get me wrong - the thought of giving birth and breastfeeding still scare the living daylights out of me. however, the benefits far outweigh any petty fears that i may have.

i will hold on to the fantasy that i will be a hot mama. i will wear babydoll dresses. i will refrain from wine and sing oldies to my belly. i will bring eyeliner, mascara, and lip gloss to the hospital so the baby will see that it has a pretty mommy. i want to name her simone or him vincent and delight in every new thing.

that's it. i just wanted you to know. thank you for having some faith and sticking with me.

maybe there's hope for me after all.

many thanks,
sophie