dress

we went dress shopping today.

i. love. my. dress.

i knew it was mine the minute i put it on. i almost burst into tears when i opened the dressing room door and stepped out onto the platform.

my mom. his mom. his sister. friend e.

i knew. it just. felt. perfect.

a beautiful gift from my mom. it makes me so happy thinking about it.

such a happy day. merry xmas.

gma

i still miss her.

every day.

po po

i flew to boston on tuesday morning.

my grandmother. my mom's mom. had a stroke and a heart attack last friday.

on sunday my parents flew out to boston.

on monday everything was supposed to be fine. no longer life-threatening.

by monday evening my brothers and i were told to get on planes asap.

i had a dream about her that night. we were shopping and walking hand in hand. i told her in chinese, you are a beauty queen, right? she nodded yes. and smiled that smile of hers.

when i arrived, a cab took me straight to the hospital.

i saw her in bed. she was hooked up. as expected. but when they called to her, and told her i was there, she opened her eyes. she saw me. i smiled at her and said hello. she tried to speak but couldn't. i showed her my engagement ring and her eyes smiled at me. i told her i loved her. and i said bye bye.

my grandmother. her skin is so beautiful. i learned that she only went to school through the third grade. and she tried to give my mom everything she wanted, even if they couldn't afford it. she made amazing wheel pillows. with so many colors. she was always smiling and shaking her head at our silliness. she was stern with us when we were younger. i remember always, always, how lovely she smelled. light and fresh and clean. no pretension. just real grandmother. she loved game shows and gambling. my mom would take bus rides to mystic lake casino with her. my grandmother has the softest hands. such a lovely lady.

i told her i love you. i told her i will remember you.

yes!!!

he finally did it.

finally bit the bullet.

we hiked (to the top of a mountain!) where he proposed.

on this day, we met. seven years ago.

not being big on anniversaries, i didn't give it another thought, like most years.

but this day, this seventh year, was different.

we sat at the top and watched the planes take off from the airport. caught the sun rays.

we had started talking about my birthday present. i, of course, was rambling off about my favorite subject: me.

and he said, "i already got you a present."

pulled out the ring.

beautiful.

i was stunned. taken aback. and speechless.

it was the perfect day. the perfect way. and perfectly us.

celebrate

a december birthday celebration tomorrow.

i get to wear this:



and i made centerpieces. orchids in tall cylinder vases with black river stones. black candle trays with seashells and tea lights. menu cards to list out the greek food: spanakopita. hummus. gyro. souvlaki. white tablecloths.

so delicious.

12

happy december.

i am looking forward to the end of this year.

2010.

positive.

close

and so goes another month.

last week when i was back in minnesota, i went to a delightful little bar.

we made friends with the host.

his last name rang familiar. we asked about it. we asked about a man with the same last name. he said it was his brother.

a flood of memories. a redhead who used to tell me stories. wonderful little stories spun around a princess. the princess was always named sophie. and i loved every minute of every story. i used to beg for them daily, hoping to find one in my inbox, waiting for me like a little present.

he sent me notes like this:

don't tease him with your beauty. be generous.
I'm going to see my dad in the hospital right now. his heart is skipping beats.
kinda like me with you.

and i treasured every single one. until the stories turned into something else. and the stories that once made me so giggly and giddy turned just ever-so-slightly un-lovely. it happened so fast and one night when we were out and about and drinking guinness in irish pubs and racing down grand avenue in search of a ladies room, it got worse. spiraled. shattered. and it wasn't quite ever the same.

i should have known it wouldn't last.

i just didn't want to see it.

a little part of me still doesn't.

thxful

today i am thankful for many things.

mostly, i am thankful for the spa sampler package at hotel valley ho.



i am also giving thanks for my family. my friends. the sun. palm trees in november. my job. flight benefits. holiday cards. facebook. phone calls. cuddling. kleenex. my mom's text messages. white. holidays. hendrick's gin. cucumber water. strawberries. crabtree and evelyn's source hand treatment. ice cream. the bf. pink. peonies. newborns. my big, black ruffle skirt. j.crew tees. black. giggles. bubbly. pinot noir. bread. cheese. holding hands. tummy rubs. dermalogica moisturizer. dailycandy. love.

today

one more picture post:



that's all.

thx

it's all about balance.

somedays i have it. most days not.

but today, was lovely.

there is something about the short thanksgiving week that makes people work a little slower. a little less crazy.

i like it.

after work i made goop's tortilla espanola. mmm. potatoes onions eggs.

sigh. i love the days when i'm not so fried after work that i can actually cook.

it's blissful. and i'm thankful.

marcelo

the bf's birthday is coming up.

we are both going to minnesota this weekend.

he is going up north for a hunting trip.

i am staying in the city and hanging out with the girls.

so we both get what we want for his birthday. grin.

i ended up getting him:
*

i already broke and gave them to him since we won't see each other.

i know he likes the shades because he kept putting them on and modeling in front of the mirror.

huh. i thought only girls did that.

*it looks like a purse, but it's a weekend duffel.

j.crack

i have been ordering xmas presents like crazy lately.

stop laughing. i'm almost halfway complete.

i ordered the bf's mother a necklace and bracelet set from j.crew. rose gold and black crystals.

on monday, my j.crew package arrived.

i couldn't help but buy two t-shirts for myself. i am in love with j.crew tees. they are so formal and so casual at the same time. i've been pairing them with black skirts and pinstriped pants and loads of jewelry for work. so in love.




the necklace for the bf's mom was beautiful too. but no bracelet!

i called j.crew customer service the next day. too bad. the bracelet sold out. a store search came up empty. refund.

today, a new package arrived.

voila! the bracelet.

i called customer service and told them i received the bracelet in a different package and to make sure they charged my account. they did. and they gave me a $10 gift card for my honesty. how darling.

more j.crack tees for me!

roar

a nice evening out with good company.

martini.

dr. pepper baby-back short ribs.

green chile mac n cheese.

and lots of laughing.

i don't think i need to say more.

check

i have been so busy lately.

i started a new job, and it just. takes. a lot. out. of me.

i am trying to find the balance.

and i think soon i will have it.

i will be back in your arms once again.

and everything you do won't be so irksome. instead it will be quirky and adorable. i will not snap. i will love with my arms and my heart and my words. i will not grimace or grit. i will smirk and giggle. i will make time to listen. fully. not half-listening while plonking on my laptop late at night. i will notice the colors of the sunset and how full the moon is. clap my hands when something makes me happy. close my eyes without seeing work details. yoga in the morning. and cuddle at night.

someday. i will be yours.

gift

the bf is away for tonight.

LAX.

allowed me time to stay at work late.

and then shop online for his birthday present.

it is always so difficult to buy the bf a gift. he is not so much picky, but he is particular.

i can usually spot something he likes and note in my head, but sometimes, like this year, i have no idea what to get him. and so i sit. and spin. my wheels.

last year, for instance, i decided that he needed an upgraded ipod speaker set. at first i wanted to get the bose brand. but after months of research (and pure agony over price), i picked the griffin evolve. so pretty. overall i'd say my gift got about an A-, considering the bf never gets super excited about gifts and the fact that he still uses it on a regular basis.

i am trying to recall past presents, but i honestly can't remember, and this blog is useless for information that i actually might need. nice to know my memory spans approximately one year but not beyond that. sad.

if anyone has any ideas, i'm open.

nicety

today the checkout girl at trader joe's said:

[me handing her my driver's license]

"are you sure this isn't a fake? you look ten years younger than it says!"

bless her. in a thousand tiny ways, bless her.

bos

just got back from boston.

we planned a wonderful surprise 60th birthday dinner for my dad.

i saw him standing there with his usual smirk, surrounded by his family. my uncles and aunts. cousins. cousin-ettes.

he was surprised when all his kids showed up. so cute!

overall a lovely weekend in massachusetts.*

i think my dad liked that we all made the trip out to spend time with him on his birthday. after years of traveling for work and missing his own birthday at home, we made an effort to be together for this one. and i'm glad we did. he is so worth it.

dim sum in chinatown's china pearl. shabu shabu.

and brunch at a japanese restaurant** before we headed out to the restaurant.

* sans the driving debacles. the streets of downtown boston were planned by madmen.

** my dad prefers asian cuisine, natch.

ack

it is very hard for me to take a step back sometimes.

i want to be able to inhale. exhale. and let it go.

but some. people. make me so. angry.

definitely a tough day to rise about the rattle.

instead i toiled in the tumult.

and couldn't seem to climb out if it.

still trying.

blue&white

things on my mind for no good reason:

boo

"Love beyond the ego has to be on a new basis. It's not about quid pro quo, giving as long as you get to take. It's mutual. It exists in a space between two people. The only way to be deeply happy in a relationship is to find that space every time you lose it. In this way, love goes beyond affection and being nice. Loving acts blossom naturally once you find the place in your own awareness that is love. Needless to say, becoming aware is a process, in love as in everything." - deepak chopra

yesterday i was so tired of love.

i couldn't remember what it felt like to not be. so. tired. the bf and i are amazing. we are amazingly in love. and yet. i feel so tired because the one thing we fight about, the one thing that covers an entire spectrum of emotions, is the one thing that i have always wanted. and that he hasn't been able to give me.

he wants me to be happy. that's all. he's ever. wanted. i get it. i have heard it. over and over. but the one thing that i think will make me the happiest is the one thing that he is unable to make happen.

and so i wait. and sometimes i get tired. of love. but never of the two of us.

10

happy october!

the bf bought a car today. i wanted him to get something that he loved, but i think he got something that will get him from point a to point b for the next five years.

bo-ring.

oh well. there go our carpooling days.

dinoflagellates

we just got back from san juan. what a wonderful holiday.

by far, my favorite part:



bioluminescent bay in fajardo. absolutely amazing.

sju

i'm off to san juan tomorrow:



i can't wait. i know i've only been back at work for a couple of weeks, but it honestly feels like years.

my bones need to warm up (i know, i know).

wishing you and yours a very happy close to september.

history

in yet another grand gesture of love:

behold:



the bf brought me a gift from philadelphia. what was it? why, a copy of the constitution, of course!

god bless him.*

*and god help me, because when i first picked it up i said, "oh! it's the declaration of..."

tea

sometimes a girl just needs some room to breathe.

and today i am. with movies that make me cry, some tea, and a blanket.

i have been suffocating lately. not being able to take a breath correctly. deeply. just shallow, quick, sharp.

everything just seems so small. so tight. i don't feel free.

but today, so lovely.

aubrie

i tend to shop in phases.

i usually toggle back and forth between work clothes, play clothes, shoes, makeup, jewelry, home, office, and kitchen. (omg. just typing it all out makes me seem a little crazy. i suppose it would have just been easier to say i shop for everything in phases. ah well.)

i just wrapped up a fairly satisying shorts phase. (yes, i absolutely get that specific. and that crazy. i'm talking 2 pairs of linen beach shorts in yellow and natural, khaki shorts, honey shorts, ikat shorts, and a jakarta pattern short.)

now i feel like i am entering a new, more expensive yet infinitely more delicious phase:



lick.

argyle

the bf has cold feet.

literally (well, figuratively too, but that's another thousand blog posts).

i hate wearing socks. there's something about them that make me feel too constricted. too controlled. just too. much.

i love kicking off my shoes and pulling off my socks at the end of the day.

the bf? not so much:



may i present: the bf. relaxing. in work clothes. while wearing socks.

argh

three things i hate from today:

1. construction (if you're going to close a road, how about a little effing warning?!)

2. friends who ask for "simple" favors that end up being super complex and infinitely inconvenient.

3. work stress that manifests as facial blemishes.

hatefully yours,
sophie

jakarta

i woke up at 8:30 this morning.

then napped. until 9:30.

i had weird dreams of the bf and the wife of one of his best friends. they kissed and it was horrible.

i also dreamt that someone stole my luggage, and i cried because my favorite bikini was in my bag.



when i woke, i felt like crying. have i waxed poetic about j.crew bikinis before? they fit like a dream, somehow making the whole bikini-shopping process a bit less demoralizing. the bikini camouflages flaws and slides on effortlessly. and the prints. oh, the patterns! paisley. stripes. dots. vintage. batik. so lovely.

a gift for me.

spilleth

i like new beginnings.

this month has been full of lovely surprises.

and the bf and i are certainly very, very grateful.

a toast, to you and yours. may your cup spill over as well.

love love love.

congrats

dear bf,

you deserve this.

and i love you.

xoxo
sophie

whew

yesterday was a lovely day.

may i leave it at that? i just want to relish for a little while.

have a wonderful weekend.

jimena

what a fabulous short holiday!

we flew into cabo on saturday. lounged at the hotel pool all afternoon and grabbed dinner at the pool. ventured into town to stock up on bottled water and snacks. slept in.

sunday we walked to lawanda's place (we met her on our first trip to cabo, way back when) for her pineapple muffins, but her shop was closed. instead, we saw her through the glass and tapped, hoping she would recognize us. when she opened the doors, she yelled, "minnesota!"

we had brunch at a cantina in the marina. (that rhymes!) lawanda and her bro darryl were great company, and the huevos rancheros was yummy.

in the afternoon the bf and i walked (read hiked) over to lover's beach @ land's end. a lot of walking. shimmying. climbing. swimming. ensued. the bf somehow convinced me to swim around the bend in order to reach lover's beach. in my cargo shorts and white tank top.

but we made it (with one wave threatening to pound me into the rocks). it was worth it. beautiful and inspiring.





on our way back, however, we took a different ("easier) route. it meant walking around the rocks and trying to avoid the waves versus climbing over the rocks to the other side. on the last bend to make it back to the beach, the waves were coming hard and fast. the bf led the way, carrying our bag of supplies. and his flip flops. i distinctly remember thinking that i should probably take mine off when the bf was off around the corner and i closely followed, using the rocks on my right to guide me around. i heard the wave coming and the bf telling me to move it, but my feet (nicely tucked into my flip flops, thank you) had a different idea. as the wave washed back out, the water sucked my flops into the sand and i was wonderfully glued right next to the rocks when the next wave came in. i panicked for a second, willing my legs to pick up and get a move on, but they wouldn't listen! i figured i would just solider through that wave, bracing myself against the rocks. i heard it and didn't turn around to see it. when it came in i was swept off my feet. yikes! into the rocks i went. a tangle of arms and legs. not knowing which way was up. saltwater in my mouth.

i felt the bf yank me up by my arm and lift me out of the water.

i staggered onto the beach. spitting out sand. sand in my ears. one flip flop. bleeding from my left ankle and right knee. in short, i was a hot mess.



the bf saved me. and went back to save my other flip flop. sigh. my hero.

we went to romeo y julieta for dinner. a lovely italian meal in mexico. grin.

the next day we went here to check out the location. i absolutely. fell. in. love. i am still dreaming about it. next time.

we flew out on the last flight out of cabo last night. due to hurricane jimena, we were worried that we wouldn't make it out for days after she passed through. the flight attendant announced that flight 336 "operation hurricane rescue mission" would depart shortly. just in time. sounds like the theme of the holiday.

off

heading out to cabo.

i am very excited - it's one of our favorite places.



ready to get away.

rulabula

happy hour yesterday at rula bula.

a great evening with good friends. it's nice to have "couple" friends that we enjoy being around.

the bf and i didn't have a ton of friends that we both liked being around in minneapolis. i think it's because we met when we already had our own set of friends. i like hanging out with mine and he liked hanging out with his. attempts to mesh the two teams didn't really take even though everyone usually had a good time. i think it's hard to break out when you've already made great friends. lifetime friends. sigh. i miss my girls in the midwest.

it's a change of pace.

we all ordered guinness and shepherd's pie. mmm. sometimes i like change.

pot

everything is better in minnesota:



after laughing out loud, i almost cried.

farfalle

what has my life become?

i used to be a party girl, for goodness' sake.

and now?

what i did last night:



farfalle with turkey sausage, peas, and mushrooms.

note: when a recipe calls for turkey sausage with the casings removed, i automatically think of sausages, uh, encased. i do not think to remove casings from ground turkey sausage, but apparently this can happen which is why i had to refer to the internet for a photo of what this was supposed to look like and imagine my surprise when i found that my sausages did not look like that. also, giada's book recipe and her food network recipe online do not match up.

but i rolled with it and ended up with about six servings (!). when will i learn that the bf and i cannot possibly consume one pound of pasta.

next time.

piccata

i made chicken piccata last night.

my first time!

so you can imagine. i really wish recipe books had more pictures. not only do i need the before and afters, i need the everything-in-betweens as well. i also need pictures of what a skillet might be (all that pretty much registers with me is "pan") or how to cut "crosswise" (is that opposite of "lengthwise"?).



it didn't quite look like this, and the bf has this fear of me killing him with undercooked meat (wimp), so i had to leave the chicken in two minutes longer than the recipe required, thus straddling the very thin line of "perfect" and "rubber."

whatever. the bf said it was good. i served it with parmesan couscous (boxed) so at least i knew the side was effing fabulous.

tahoe

spent four days in the reno/lake tahoe area.

and it was pure bliss.

home. well, not permanently, but still.

thursday and friday nights we had lovely dinners in with great company and fantastic wine. friday afternoon the bf played golf.

saturday we went out to lake tahoe for a lovely lunch cruise. sigh. breathtaking.



a quick stop back at the ranch, then off to the casino. roxy's for dinner. vodka martini. crabcake. truffled mac n cheese. delish!

after dinner entertainment included taking in some comedy. the first two acts sucked. but then this guy came out and i almost keeled over i was laughing so hard. i can't remember any party of his name but i wish i could. hilarious.

on sunday we hit the driving range and a couple of practice holes before we headed to the airport and home. i'm still not ready to be here.

LL

the bf and i went on a date last saturday.

it was a surprise even though the bf is indifferent to surprises (read: i LOVE them!).



dinner. a revolving restaurant in the heart of downtown phoenix. ooh.

then we walked a couple of blocks to a theater:



who did we see?

i laughed so hard i cried. she kills me. and next time we are sitting in front!

condition

sometimes i feel like people want you to be happy as long as they don't really have to do anything they don't want to do for you to have it.

mariposa

new bedside table lamps even though we don't have, uh, bedside tables?



yes please!

assess

i took a personality assessment on wednesday.

today i got my results.

he asked me to rank the following motivators for myself before he revealed what the test indicated.

money
knowledge
creativity
power
helping people

i thought for about one second before i said, "without a doubt, knowledge and creativity for me, followed closely by helping people, with power and money running in the distance."

he said, "i have never met anyone who got them all right before."

i didn't have the heart to tell him that i spend a lot of time thinking about myself. grin.

wipe

i just wiped my blackberry.

i have been frustrated with my phone service (tmobile) and my phone (blackberry 8100) for at least a year.

i have contracted the hourglass of death. every time i want to do anything with my phone i have to tap into my "infinite patience" reserves. and this reserve is very limited. very.

i put off contacting tmobile regarding the matter, instead opting to figure it out myself on crackberry.com, having other clueless users walk me through updating the software, deleting applications, restarting, popping the battery, all to no avail.

i finally started calling tmobile in the hopes that they could either send me a new phone or phone or send me a new phone. they have been complete b*tches about it. until today. i am going to try to get a full-discount-early-upgrade.

but then i decided to wipe my phone. and lost all my contacts. so sad.

i lost contacts like "john sushi" (a sushi chef at fuji-ya) and "julian met" (stalked me for an hour and a couple of days when i was at the met museum in new york). whatever shall i do?

plea

oh please, universe, i appeal to you today.

please send good karma my way as i try to send out positive thoughts.

maybe i am asking for too much. but if i could ask for just. one. more.

in poker terms, i need that river card to turn over in my favor.

thank you.

pj

i like to sleep in little boxsies and tank tops.

most of the time, that is perfectly fine.

but i find myself lacking friends+family-acceptable pajamas*. i can't just walk out of the guest bedroom wearing what i wore to sleep. what does this mean? i need sleep/lounge-wear. i hate waking up and putting on jeans just to sit and have tea and toast with company.

and so i find myself searching:



this works, yes?

*i have spent most of my life thinking that this was spelled "pyjamas." i always thought spell-check was wrong.

bella

threw a soiree on saturday night:











the theme was italian kitchen. i meant to take pics of the tomatoes with olive oil, salt and pepper; and pics of the panna cotta with raspberries, blueberries, and blackberries that i made. not to mention the two lasagnas that constituted the great lasagna bake-off, but i failed. the bf won 4-3 though, although he grumbled that he didn't win by a landslide.

all in all, a very successful (and delicious!) evening.

whipping

i often find myself turning to the internet for the most mundane questions.

today, for instance, in blackle i typed in:

[what is a saucepan?]

reason: i am trying to make panna cotta for the first time. i forgot what a saucepan was and wished giada had more pictures to accompany her recipes. i also rued myself for only buying a pint of whipping cream when the recipe called for three cups which only equals two and a half cups (i checked the conversion when i got home. brilliant). the best part was when i opened the fridge and thought gasp! i was smart enough to buy two of these! [before i realized it was the same one that i put back a moment ago].

another great question from today:

[what charles manson song did guns n roses record?]

i love that i clear my cache so infrequently that when i go to type in a question, the auto-fill has a field day:

[when are peonies in season?]

[where is ed from the bachelorette?]

omg. can you tell how i spend my time these days?

in-n-out

sigh. double bad news day.

i need this for dinner.

everything will be okay, right?

yoc

i just found out that a guy i used to date (read: french-kissed once in my bedroom during junior high) works at my previous place of employment.

the bulk of our relationship consisted of finding out that he liked me and then all of a sudden we were "together." wow. i wish real relationships worked that way.

he came over to my house once under the guise of hanging out with my brother (and brought his best friend as a decoy because guys in junior high are too cool to travel alone).

oh, that magical half hour in my bedroom (gasp! as if!). i thought this was it! my first french kiss - i thought it was going to be way more, um, way less, er, slobbery. ew. this was it?! what a major letdown in my then teenage angst-ridden life. where were the sparks and fireworks and that tingly feeling adults got in all the romantic comedies? the stupid grin? what about the wining and dining? the champagne and strawberries and perhaps dinner before a walk in the park and giving me your coat when i get cold? none of that. just a cold, minty, surprisingly hard tongue in my mouth. ick.

and with that? a girl's dreams (and her realization that romantic comedies are full of sh*t) come crashing down.

i was pretty sure i could live the rest of my life without it.*

i also remember sneaking out in the middle of the night in my mother's car to his house (with a friend, natch), and getting lost. so much for romantic comedy.

if i remember correctly, a week later i found out that the boy was "dating" (read: getting way more action from) another girl.** when he learned that i found out, he "dedicated" (read: heard) a bryan adams song to me that happened to be playing on the radio the exact time he called me. how convenient! please, the kiss wasn't at all great and now i'm supposed to take this? i don't think so.

i didn't buy it then. and i don't buy it now.***

the memories! make it stop. please stop telling me you know people i used to know. most likely, i used to date him. or i went out on one date with him once and never called back to "reciprocate." or i made out with him in college. or i just kissed him in a bathroom in new york (gross). or i met him on a plane. or we met at a bar in orange county and he gave me a ride back to the hotel. or he worked at a bar in vegas and had a girlfriend but i was convinced he could still love me. most likely.

love, sophie

*oh shut up. what did i know?
**i also heard that she had the herp. [insert maniacal woman-scorned laughter here]
***i think this is the exact moment that led to my never-ending suspicion of men in general. yikes.

end

thank goodness.

i am thankful that the month of july is coming to a close.

i look forward to a new month. i let myself go and let current anxiety fade.

i have had five straight nights of wickedly vivid dreams. this usually means my mind is racing, even while sleeping.

i am trying to figure things out. i am constantly trying.

during the last days of each month, i stop trying so hard,

and just try to be.

msp

back to msp::yippee!!

it is excruciatingly hot here in phoenix.

this weekend the bf and i will be in msp to catch up with friends and family.

i am having dinner and drinks with my girl n on friday evening. beaujos. sigh.

saturday i am getting a haircut. thank goodness. the last time i went in it was april. yes. april.

at some point we are going to meet up with the bf's mom, who will be driving down from duluth. saturday evening we will go to church to see his brother and kids.

saturday night::hopefully friends and drinks.

sounds so perfect, doesn't it??

process

i just bought this dress.

on sale. from $228 to $59.95. yippee!

i am deliriously happy about it.

i love getting a good deal!

this is how the bf and i approach every major (not that there have been that many to date, but you know, furnishing an empty apartment kind of includes some bigger purchases).

i usually know what i want. the getting it, however, takes a bit more time. when i find a dining table that i like, say, a saarinen round dining table, i know that giving the bf the actual retail price would cause heart palpitations.

so, i do my research. i find similar tables, knock-offs. ikea. i put spreadsheets together. pros and cons. sample swatches. i ramble off alternatives and pricing options and justifications to the bf (along the lines of "and when we get the real dining table we want, we can still use this table as a funky bedside table!"), and thus, i end up getting a perfectly functional (yet still totally my style) table for $70. yeah. we found it on craigslist.

i kind of love that, no matter how much or how little we have, we will always make do. and will make do wonderfuly.

time

i am not going to lie.

i cannot WAIT for this movie.



we're talking, i cry during the previews. somebody help me and bring me august 14.

sundae

a lazy sunday.

the bf and i made breakfast sandwiches when we woke at 9 this morning.

by noon, i was ready for a nap. zzz.

at 2, we had leftover lemon spaghetti and watched burn after reading (it was okay).

now, the bf is taking a nap and i am tidying up.

we are going to have tilapia for dinner tonight. i am trying to persuade the bf to take me to cold stone for some ice cream dessert (i have lately discovered the joy of taking lactaid pills).

i really adore lazy sundays.

best

the bf and i are both equally in awe of his current boss.

tonight as we were putting new sheets on the bed, we were talking about her. her strength.

the bf said, "i'm telling you, she is going to be the next jack walch!"

pause.

i said, "you mean jack welch?!"

we collapsed on the bed together in a fit of giggles.

walch. i am still laughing about it.

#*&$^&*

please, please, please:

do not text me for a buddy pass because your so-called boyfriend with the drinking problem missed his flight because he spent his remaining money on a beer that he drank while his flight was boarding and now has to spend the night at the airport while trying to get home from visiting his ex-girlfriend.

please.

yves

when: last night

where: bed

doll? do you like the name yves? spelled y-v-e-s?

the bf: yeah. that's a pretty cool name.

and then the rest of her life, everyone will call her yah-vez?

the bf: yeah. they will do that.

sigh. such is life. and people. stupid.

pyrex

i am obsessed.



so delicious. tiffany blue. yummy.

temp

i needed a day to recup after the weekend.

friday night wedding. so lovely. e and i were the only ones seated up in the balcony. oops. i made jokes about the ushers banning asians to the upper deck of the chapel. the highlight of the reception was when the bride and her two sisters did the worm across the dance floor. fabulous! two martinis and two glasses of wine later, it was time to go.

we ended the night at the bulldog on lyndale. pretzels with cheese. ginger ale. yummy.

i spent saturday with my bros. good times at dim sum in the morning and bubble tea in the afternoon.

northeast social for some drinks and apps. and fabulous company. four beers later and all of a sudden i was trying to set my double As on the table. thank you, s, s, b, n, j.

and true to minnesota weather, the nicest day was when i got to take a drive to the airport and fly home. natch.

pkg

here's another peeve of mine:

using styrofoam for shipping.

there's nothing worse than ordering something wonderful online and waiting to receive it...

when it arrives: signing for the package. smiling in anticipation.

grabbing the scissors. ripping into the seams of the box.

reaching in...and coming up with a fistful of peanuts.

you try to shake it off, but alas, styrofoam sticks to you. it gets all over the floor. on your clothes. stuck to your purchase. clinging to everything and as you shake all about, it clings harder. it is relentless. and horrible.

i always try to specifiy that i prefer packaging without styrofoam (recycled anything is good). i like envelopes over boxes. i wish the world would work the way i want it to.

ugh. how uncivilized.

facet

wow.



i get to wear this ginormous rock for a wedding friday evening. yes.

cahleef

such a wonderful weekend!

got to flagstaff and had a nice lunch at the altitudes bar & grill. okay food. the veggie burger was a bad choice.

after lunch, we went up to the lava flow trail at sunset crater. i kept looking for the crater, but i think we might have missed it. the trail was a lovely one mile jaunt throw old lava flows from sunset crater, which used to be an active volcano.

next stop: the wine loft. a place where you bring your own food but the wine and beer flow freely. we played a game of trivial pursuit and lost. like, way lost. as in, BIG.

we checked into our hotel and checked out our digs. the bf, friend m, and i shared a suite. nap.

dinner at pasto, dining al fresco. i ordered gnocchi verde and the fried eggplant stack with taleggio, grilled tomatoes, pine nut butter and red pepper puree. the gnocchi was amazing. divine. i was eager for my main course. when it arrived my eyes widened, then my face fell. the "small" plate in front of me was in fact hamburger pattie sized eggplant slices deep-friend and breaded with thick slices of tallegio. ugh. how disappointing.

after dinner we hit rendezvous at the hotel monte vista. more drinks.

we hit the sack pretty hard that night.

in the morning, we drove up to the snowbowl and took the skyride to take in 70 miles of arizona. it was beautiful.

lunch at the weatherford hotel on the zane grey balcony. the turkey burger and ginger ale was wonderful.

on the way back, we stopped at walnut canyon and the island rim trail. they say the trail takes one hour. the bf and i did it in 22 minutes. take that.

the ride home was nice and quiet. such a full weekend. in so many ways.

flagstaff

off to flagstaff, arizona tomorrow.

we need to escape the 114 degree heat oncoming.

how? by driving two and a half hours north to 85 degree weather.

81 miles south of the grand canyon is flagstaff.

dinner.

drinks.

and perhaps a good ghost story or two (ooh!).

skyride.

hike.

whee! i want to go to there. now.

ups

yesterday i waited for the ups man to come knocking on our door.

anywhere from after 2p to after 5p. wide open timeframes.

i sat and watched the wedding singer on tv. i left the door open when i ran for bathroom breaks. i opened the door and peeked to make sure i didn't miss his knock.

it was like being a teenager waiting for a boy to call.

except this time, he didn't.

whatever, ups man! i am better off without you! i deserve so much more. sniffle.

peace

okay.

i am putting it out there in the universe.

with open arms and an open heart.

i am ready to give it up and get over it.

and receive whatever comes back to me.

thank you.

lisag

meeting gfs at this wine bar tonight.

i am trapped in a downward spiral today. down in the dumps. happens most mondays, but especially this week because my little friend found me.

i don't want to go out. but i know i should. and i know i will have fun.

i'm just having a hard time dealing today.

and i don't want to talk to anyone.

i have been hitting "ignore" on my phone all morning. just too tired.

i'm allowed a blue day once in a while.

intuition

i went to an intuition workshop last week.

over a lychee martini i listened to jessie (in a bright, sunny yellow dress and a pixie haircut) talk about the importance of knowing yourself, and about how when you make a decision that is right for you it will be like remembering.

i loved how she is captivated by wonder, how she talked about empathy, how she is in tune with the world. she used words like "magic" and "love" and made hand gestures across her heart. like a sprite.

many of the women in the group spoke of "not being able to make a decision" and feeling "overwhelmed." i didn't get it.

i identify strongly with my core. i have a strong sense of self. and conviction.

when i make a decision, i stand by it. i look for clues in the universe that affirm the choice i already made. make it. live it. love it.

and i never, ever make mistakes. grin.

shorts

i survived at least five years only owning a couple pair of shorts that i never wore.

i lived in minnesota, where shorts are a luxury, only something one needs to break out on the hottest day(s) of the year (two or three if we were lucky).

here in arizona, shorts are not an option, they are a necessity.

for aeration.

so i found myself longing for the airiness of a skirt combined with the ability to sit however i pleased. air + hide the goods - (skirt) = shorts.

omg. even in theory i am so bad at math.

anyway, i finally purchased a pair of shorts from j.crew this year. i am restarting a love affair with j.crew as they make such dreamy outfits out of a skirt, a t-shirt, and a cardigan and a randomly placed flower. swoon.

i bought a size 2, to be safe (i am short! ha! get it?), and was delightfully surprised when they were too big. in contrast, my jeans are sometimes like sausage casings. there's a good reason that the bf calls my legs porkers. i swear i can hear the side seam screaming on some days.

anyway, i bought a pair of 0s, and i am in love with them. my legs are seeing the light of day and finally getting some burning-hot-lava-sun on them. in arizona, that just means more sunblock for more parts of my body. perfect. i love working more to be more comfortable.

i completely forget the point of this story. other than i bought shorts. so there.

day

happy july.

a new month. another trip to minnesota. grin.

i spent the morning transferring files from my old laptop to my new one so that i can bring the old one to my brother. he is very excited. i alloted 9 hours to get the job done. i don't know how i miscalculated so badly, but i thought that four years worth of documents, images, music, and downloads would somehow take more time. i mean, this is my life we're talking about! two hours later i find myself with time on my hands and wondering if i should have saved more.

but i do like a great clean out from time to time.

i'm one of those people that like to have the entire place clean before leaving on any trip, two days or two weeks. today i am doing laundry, bringing recycling to the drop-off, cleaning salinger's bowl and stopping by ups before we're off.

it's obsessive i know. but it's so lovely to come back to a nice home.

happy (and sparkly clean) holiday weekend!

wah

last day of the month. i am forced to blog from my phone because blogger has decided to hate me.

tomorrow we are off to minneapolis for more family time. a whirlwind tour of duluth and rochester. we will see grandmothers, mothers, fathers, brothers, sister-in-laws, nephews, sisters, niece and more! we are bringing presents like we didn't just see everyone over the holidays. it will be like christmas in july!

i wish we could celebrate holidays every month. i really get behind this gift-giving thing.

it will be nice to get away from this 109 degree weather*.

80 degrees is much more civilized.

* note: yesterday the bf said, "this is the start of just ten weeks of summer." i want this in writing. and i want you all to bear witness. because the bf is a blatant liar.

gross

today i am thankful that we are not judged by our passport photos.

amen.

tropical

such a lovely day.

the bf and i started out earlier than we do on most sundays.

we went to einstein brothers to grab a quick bagel breakfast, then we headed to biltmore for some shopping.

brooks brothers. three dress shirts for the bf. one dress shirt for the bf's bro. one sports shirt in awesome red and blue for the bf's nephew. and one tie for the bf.

the bf doesn't shop often, but when he does, he goes all out.

the tie was my special friend (i have a thing for ties):



adorable, right? so summery and tropical-like. perfect for his friend's wedding in puerto rico, no?

i must find a dress to match.

clean

sigh.

yesterday was such a sad day that i kept trying to think of something to write. rest in peace, michael jackson and farrah fawcett.

instead, i stared at the blinking cursor.

my girlfriends are going through tough times right now.

it's rough out there.

hearts are being broken. and i wish i could fix them all.

i've been fielding a lot of phone calls and emails lately. i don't claim to have all the answers, but i do believe that if i listen long enough, the answers tend to appear. a moment of clarity. the good thing about being friends with such strong women is that they usually trust what they feel deep down.

i stick to the idea that you are the only one who knows where your breaking point is. your own dealbreaker(s). where you draw the line. no one else can tell you when you have had enough. i think everyone's capacity and limitations are defined by themselves. your truth is yours alone.

i know my friends will be fine. that we will get through this and other difficult times together. that the end, sometimes leads to bigger and better beginnings.

high

i have been listening to this song on repeat for the past two weeks.

you, you bring out the best in me
and you, you bring out the best in me
and i can't tell you how you do what you do to me, oh but you
you treat me how you'd like to be treated
and you make sure you're the last to be seated
and i can't tell you where you get your passion
but you amaze me

it is exactly how i feel about the bf. and i smile whenever i think of it.

today i told a friend that being with the bf is like running to the top of a mountain and screaming at the top of my lungs.

being just us is pure exhilaration.

i am exactly where i want to be.

just you and me.

spahh

the bf's sister is staying with us for a few days.

it has been quite a while since we've had the opportunity to catch up, and what with the bf at work all day, we've had time to reconnect. she is a joy of a girl::i have enjoyed her company.

yesterday we went to my favorite spa for a cocoa-mint foot scrub. this relaxing treatment was quickly followed by a lunch of bLts and macaroni and cheese.

we hit fashion square mall for some shopping.

dinner was a salad and pasta ponza. a nice and relaxing dinner in. bro and sis went out for cold stone ice cream for dessert.

the problem started when we let the bf pick the movie. stepbrothers. ugh. stupid funny but we shall never see those two hours again.

i love hosting::i am officially extending an invite to all (four of) my readers! mwah.

awe

my time with the 'rents was absolutely amazing.

sometimes i forget how utterly cool my parents can be, and i take them for granted.

i had a lovely evening with s and e, toasting to the future and noshing on empanades.

then i drove my parents and my aunt through through a messy rainstorm and an even messier freeway to rochester.

so tired. and good to be home.

wednesday we took a day for gardening and planting. hitting nurseries with the fam is fun and i couldn't get enough of my dad saying "mooch" instead of "mulch." hilarious and so cute!

we also went to the mall and my parents let me pick out a purse (read: they had credit a discount) - i felt like cinderella and picked a totally impractical yet fabulous lavendar bag. delicious!

thursday was a day for mankato and seeing j and a. dinner at pho saigon with noodle dishes and yummy egg rolls.

early friday we made it back to msp for a quick flight back to arizona.

i already miss them.

relish

off to msp for three days.

tonight i get to have dinner with s, who is taking the big leap and moving to madison with her bf.

sigh. so romantic. i cannot wait to see her.

the rest of the time i will be hanging out with the fam, being carted (note: too cheap and lazy to rent a car) around to rochester and mankato. joy.

i don't relish the idea.

my aunt is visiting from massachusetts, and i feel somewhat obligated to see her while she's in town. even if i just want to be home in arizona. not that i have big plans.

i'm a little tired of flying.

grey

mondays are difficult for me.

i pop out of bed at 8a, ready to face the day.

and suddenly, just like that, i start to fade.

my mind glosses over on mondays. i wonder what it takes to make a meaningful life.

i know working is not the same as meaning.

but it has something to do with purpose.

and that's what i'm missing.

jazz

we hosted happy hour last night.

friends over for some tuscan mushrooms, sun-dried tomato kebabs and limoncello coolers.*

then we hit the desert botanical gardens for some jazz.

it was lovely to be outside, listening to good music, talking and laughing with great friends.

so gorgeous here at 9pm.

planted saguaros on the papago mountains. lit up a mossy green against a navy blue night. music that made you want to tap your feet and sway a little.

i couldn't stop grinning.

*i act like giada de laurentiis is my bff - we often chat about recipes (in my mind).

prenup

i was having a conversation with s the other day.

the usual: relationships, love, marriage.

she asked me if the bf had ever brought up the topic of a prenup, and if i would sign it.

the thought never even crossed my mind. i know it's common now, i just assumed i wouldn't have to deal with one.

the bf and i joke about how when we get married all this will be yours. in my case, it means he will get all my stuff and very little cash.

when i got home, i asked him if he had ever thought about it, thinking the answer would be no.

but i was wrong.

do you ever really know the ones you love?

i know guys think practically and girls think emotionally. but it still kind of hurt. it's that whole "it's just a piece of paper" kind of thing, kind of like a marriage license.

and it's double-sided.

fern

i found another dress:



doesn't it have an i'm-going-to-a-wedding-in-puerto-rico feel to it?!

september, baby!

squeal.

southampton

what a fabulous weekend.

first i flew out to msp for one night - had a lovely dinner with my girl n. there is nothing like good (correction: great) girl talk. that girl gets me and i get her because we are so very similar (only i've got a couple of years on her).

then a quick catch-up and heart-to-heart with e before we hit the sack.

flying out to long island was not fun. a stop and delay in philadelphia makes for a grumpy sophie. a car service that cost $200 and another 45 minutes made for a semi-ballistic sophie.

but then i walked in j + j's hampton house and had a glass of rosé.

and all was right in the world. again.

a long weekend if rain and sun (and more sun!) followed. pesto pasta, burgers, bagels, chicken. hummus, strawberries. lobster. steak. mmm. we are totally spoiled in the hamptons and i love it.

the price i have to pay? relentless hounding by a, a 5.5 year-old bright shining star of a girl. sophie sophie sophie!

and so i play.

such a small price. grin.

trap

sigh. someone get me out of here.

i really try to find things that i like in phoenix.

but it's hard.

we have great friends. some nice wine bars. the bf and i have nested together. i know i should be thankful.

i have some really, really bad days.

like today.

i feel like i'm trapped in some 100-degree oven with no doors (literally and figuratively).

and there's no way out.

sigh.

spin

wow. last month wasn't very productive for me.

i am starting this month with new goals.

the beginning of a month always has me thinking positively and more optimisticaly about the future.

and not just in a ten-day weather forecast kind of way.

i visit astrologyzone every month and find myself dazzled by the possibilities.

promises of new moons and touring planets.

i'm going to make good this month.

bang

wow.

dc sure knows how to show a girl a good time.

we had dinner at bangkok joe's, accompanied by mojitos and lychee martinis.

a round of pad thais please, tofu, shrimp, and chicken.

mmm.

after dinner, we headed over to cobalt and 30 degrees lounge.

a girl's safe haven from stupid pickup lines and dirty looks and possible fist fights with other girls. so lovely.

of course, h and i are never safe, and we were the designated hags to a group of fabulous-looking twenty-something males. once i brought out the camera, all the stops were pulled. posing and flashing and hugging and laughing (read camera flashes, of course).

it was eighties night.

i repeat, eighties night.

what a treat - we danced until the wee hours and headed back to our hotel. i passed out like a drunken sailor for about five hours, when h decided we should take a quick tour of the city before her train left for philadelphia.

needless to say, i was in pain in the morning. ouch. i am not twenty anymore.

but i can still shake it like i am!