Friday, May 06, 2011


dear esme,

inspired by tina fey, starting to write down my thoughts for you.

in your first five weeks, you have completely changed our lives and brought us immense joy.

you are so strong. you lifted your head straight up after a couple of days home from the hospital. i think that will be a recurring theme in your life, as you continue to show signs of amazing strength. the grunts that come from you when you are unhappy. the noises you make to let us know when you are unhappy. the gas smiles. the *real* smiles. your frightened whimper. the coos and sighs. sometimes when you look at me i swear you know me. you despise pooping. and you hate dirty diapers even more (just like mama!). the way you can scream bloody murder and suddenly go straight-faced when there is a nipple in your mouth. i call it your first trick. grin. you definitely dislike being put down. you fight sleep like you fight the swaddle that reigns you in and keeps you from flailing and waking yourself up. you sleep in poses. and your nightmares break my heart.

you make me smile every day.

i love watching you interact with your pop. i can't stop taking pictures of the two of you napping together. already daddy's little girl at five weeks old. we joke about you and pop spending the retirement money while i live in some one-bedroom apartment all alone.

the other day:

h: what should i have her call me? pop or dad?

those questions completely melt me.

thank you for coming into our lives. we are better with you in our world.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011


cannot wait to read her book. if only for this prayer. because now i understand:


First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered,

May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half

And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her

When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the nearby subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock N’ Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance.

Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes

And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.

Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long,

For Childhood is short -- a Tiger Flower blooming

Magenta for one day --

And Adulthood is long and Dry-Humping in Cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever,

That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers

And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister,

Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends,

For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord,

That I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 a.m., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck.

“My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental note to call me. And she will forget.

But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.


Monday, May 02, 2011


i couldn't help myself. even though 18 months seems far away from now, i bought this for bebe girl:

she's getting a speedster. i love the lines on this toy racer - there was a pink/purple version as well, but it looked juvenile and wasn't nearly as slick-looking. plus, the h and i just aren't into decking her out in girlie girl colors.

i can't wait - it's going to look so sweet in her nursery!

Sunday, May 01, 2011



we had "newborn"/family pics taken yesterday by these guys.

i like their style.

turns out, they like ours as well:

Studio Moirae
I am without words when it comes to telling you all about today's baby session. Give me a newborn and a house that has so much style, detail and color, and I'm giddy with excitement! Ok... think back to when you were 7, in school and the recess bell rings.... Thats how I felt! AMAZING session and rad family! Pinch me please! Eeeek!

prior to our session at 11a, i asked how long it would last. forty-five minutes to two hours, depending on how the little one cooperates.

um, yeah. three hours. for us. of course. she is my daughter, you know.

i hope we got some good ones - i'm excited to send out birth announcements!