Thursday, November 29, 2007


off to phoenix this evening.

more quality time with the bf.

it might be fun to go up to sedona.

see some red rock.

watch the sunset.

for now, i'll just keep thinking about those sixty degrees.

see ya.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


i was kicked out of the bf's bed tonight.

per my sleeping habits, the bf has not been sleeping lately.

eating late and drinking usually exacerbates the problem.

hence the boot.

you sure were busy last night.

according to the bf, in between bouts of snoring, i was intermittently kicking and yelling.


damn my overactive subconscious.

Sunday, November 25, 2007


my wish list: (click for buying info -- see how convenient this is?)

then we came to the end by joshua ferris

chanel perfume

enamel bracelet

knocked up dvd

tepper jackson overnighter

for like ever poster

and there you have it. just for starters.

i love the holidays.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


dear bf,

happy birthday to the man in my life.

the man of my life.

thank you for being everything to me.

thank you for being you.

happy 31st.

love always,

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


the bf lost one of his dear friends this past week.

actually, we all lost.

the world lost a great man last tuesday.

too young. too soon. too short.

not enough words. not enough time. not enough strength.

thank you for the memories.

sorry i beat your hand with a pair of twos.

peace be with you.

Monday, November 19, 2007


what do you say about someone

who has touched your heart.

someone you are thankful that you at least got to know him for a couple of years.

even though you would have felt the same way after meeting him for just one day.

you remember his hugs.

they were. the. best.

and you would give a lot for one of those hugs. right. now.

i will miss his hugs the most.

but i will remember a great bear of a man who touched everyone who knew him.

he will live on in hearts, but most of all, he will live on with smiles.

Friday, November 16, 2007


hold on
a pueblo indian prayer

hold on to what is good,
even if it's a handful of earth.

hold on to what you believe,
even if it's a tree that stands by itself.

hold on to what you must do,
even if it's a long way from here.

hold on to your life,
even if it's easier to let go.

hold on to my hand,
even if I've gone away from you.

there are no words of my own that describe the grief i feel today.

peace be with you this friday.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


if there ever was a day to reach out to your loved ones,

today would be that day.

prayers and thoughts appreciated,

and much love to you and yours.


Tuesday, November 13, 2007

classic bf

i am continually confounded by the bf.

for instance, his sense, or slanted view, of committment.

a sample text message:

i like the name margarete but i would be worried that people would call her marge.

what does that mean?

i wonder if he was trying to spell margaret or marguerite.


i think he's trying to tell me he would like babies without actually having to get married.

Monday, November 12, 2007


had a lovely evening with j tonight.

she is like the older sister i never had.

[well, to be honest i never wanted an older sister. i was convinced that i needed an older brother and a younger sister for my life to be complete. i don't know how i ended up with two younger brothers. nature. scoff.]

we split a carafe of sangria at el meson. i made her try the tamales and the dominicana salad. from the menu:
slices of yellow and red tomatoes, avocado and grilled onions, topped with queso fresco, chili oil and tamarind glaze. mmm. my favorite.

nothing like a great meal with a fantastic friend.

i know no one is able to do this, but she truly does validate me. she supports me. and she is my biggest fan without actually, fanning. i, of course, love it.

i think we help each other, because i hold her up, and together, as much as she does for me.

it's nice. and i feel very lucky tonight.

Saturday, November 10, 2007


the other night i had a dream that the bf was "friendly" with another woman.

in the dream, i distinctly remember seeing her: petite, brunette, delicate features.

i asked her name: ann marie.

the bf made it seem like it was no big deal, that he just enjoyed her "company."

i woke up, furious.

i demanded to know who this ann marie person was.

back in reality, the bf just rolled his eyes. dream.

suspected by-product of another late-night dinner.

today i went shopping with w, and when i went to buy perfume at bloomingdales, the beauty advisor handed me her card:

ann marie.*

of course i told her the whole story, laughingly accused her of hanging out with my bf, and left convinced of my psychic abilities.

*too bad this one was significantly older, bleached, and heavily made-up. still, it has got to be a sign. i'm sure of it.

Friday, November 09, 2007


as in, i am losing it.

just so there isn't any confusion of my descent from age 30 on:

i was writing down the time of my birthday dinner. yes. small. intimate. i am turning thir(twent)y for crying out loud. no more drinking-until-i-pass-out-at-nine-come-when-you-want-buy-me-a-shot parties. a nice, quiet dinner. close friends. good eats. i want to wear a dress.

lovely new eatery. friday, 12.07.07.

i had invitations printed. i love them. i deserve nice, formal invitations that will be sent in the mail. all the information, printed in a cute, modern font. everything you need to know.

except. and this is a big except.

i forgot to include the time.

a crucial detail. major.


Thursday, November 08, 2007


i am throwing the bf a birthday dinner.

well, not exactly throwing. planning is more like it.

it will be at our favorite restaurant, on a sunday @ 6p.

i am wondering what would be fun along the lines of party favors. i am a sucker for favors and treats. nothing tacky. but a small, sweet thank you for joining us gift.

party crackers

italian appetizers

nose cups

what's a girl to do? i am leaning towards something italian.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007


why is it that i want to cry...

every time i think about what you said to me yesterday?


Sunday, November 04, 2007


i had wicked dreams last night.

perhaps the culprit of mushroom lasagna or late-night surfing.

flashes of me asking the bf if the girls in thailand are pretty.

he answered yes nonchalantly.

then the ex told me he counted 53 cute thai girls.

as if?!

i woke up feeling very unsettled this morning. blech.

no more network dramas before bed.

Saturday, November 03, 2007


sometimes not hearing it is easier.

that way, you can pretend that everything is the way you think it is, and would like it to be, without having to deal with emotions that you cannot control.

whispered confessions that fall on the wrong girl's ears. funny how drinking purges truth. your lips spill what your heart wants. crushes are harmless, right?

even if nothing will come out of it. and nothing will happen. and you both hope that nothing changes.

and as hard as it is, and no matter how much you want it to not be true, you can never go back to the way it was.

Friday, November 02, 2007


i am a little crazy about this dress:

i want to put it on and twirl about.

happy friday!



if you have been reading about my life for the past year, you would know that i. love. my. hair.

and last night, around 8p, my stylist and i made a joint decision to cut it.

and i mean chop.*

it is now 3.5 inches lighter. and sits on my shoulders. i feel it swinging when i walk.

i am still reeling from the change. i reach down and experience phantom hair.

i will let you know when i have recovered.

*note: the bf is conveniently in thailand for the weekend. however, he has reserved the right to stop loving me in the case that my hair length is no longer satisfactory to his person.

Thursday, November 01, 2007


i couldn't help thinking

these would look fantastic under a white beach dress.

vintage kimono fabric.

how fabulous.