Thursday, May 31, 2007


yes they do.

1. remember that time i was screwed out of lunch money by a coworker? we both went to macy's basement for lunch to-go, and my debit card was not functioning, so she picked up my tab. throroughly embarassed, i felt somehow satisfied that this was karma's way of paying me back. until yesterday, when i bumped into her. "i am going to potbelly's, want to come?" sure! until we got to the cash register and she had no credit card. guess who paid?

2. yesterday was special's birthday, and i was feeling a bit under the weather. i couldn't bail on her birthday dinner, especially since i was the only guest. i got pizza. she got two glasses of lemonade, calamari, and a salad. the server had split the bill according to our order. except he accidentally vice-versa'd and she paid for my bill and i paid for hers.

3. upon exiting the restaurant, i ran to my car. i didn't have enough quarters and i parked across the street at a meter. i spotted a black car. no ticket. i breathed a sigh of relief. oops. wrong car. spotted the black beauty. i spy a wet, white ticket on my windshield. wonderful.

and so it goes, ladies and gentlemen.


just because i am crazy, i stayed at work late last night.

i get uncomfortable when my inbox has more than 100 messages in it at any given time.

same goes for my sent folder.

i am insane like that.

so when i discovered that my sent box had 580 messages in it, i knew i had to do something.

i spent a good hour moving messages to subfolders.

and this morning, when i got in, my inbox was at 100 and my sent box was at 53.


Wednesday, May 30, 2007


oh. i forgot to tell you about bank.

the new bar in the westin hotel on marquette avenue.

art deco. shades of green. gold. dark wood. chandeliers. marble.

sigh. design at its finest.

appetizers of scallops. salmon tartar. deviled eggs.

blueberry mojitos.

and after the four of us paid our $126 bill, still worth it.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

miss universe

a woman today asked me if i had watched the miss universe pageant last night.

i told her no, but that i knew miss japan had won the title (don't ask).

she told me that i look like miss japan.



i am playing hooky today.

no one is around. even the bf went back to work.

and i love it.

our weekend weather was dismal.

frequent phrases for memorial day weekend in duluth:
* 50 degrees! another great spring day!
* rainy and cold? we couldn't ask for a nicer day!
* twenty degrees cooler than minneapolis? i'm glad we came up here!
* sun is overrated! give me rain for fishing any day!

then yesterday afternoon, as if in reward for our determination, the clouds broke.

the sun came out.

and we had pizza out on the deck.

the weekend was full of family. his. and i loved every minute of it. he has delightful relatives. with cabins on the lake. and houses on the lake. laughing and eating. reading and fishing.

in short, i had a fantastic time.

Saturday, May 26, 2007


heading up to duluth until monday.

today was my last day at the shop.

ten things i will not miss about retail:

1. having to wrap presents for strangers
2. biting my tongue when they ask if i have taken off the price tag before wrapping
3. pointing out that we do not have a public restroom
4. refolding the same pile of clothing over and over
5. trying to think of gift suggestions for strangers
6. looking up prices for items
7. answering how late the shop is open
8. people throwing money on the counter
9. cranky coworkers
10. having to schedule my life months in advance

goodbye to working weekends!

have a happy, happy holiday weekend.

Thursday, May 24, 2007


happy birthday, bob dylan.

this song makes my heart ache.

just like a woman.

nobody feels any pain
tonight as i stand inside the rain
ev'rybody knows
that baby's got new clothes
but lately i see her ribbons and her bows
have fallen from her curls.

she takes just like a woman, yes, she does
she makes love just like a woman, yes, she does
and she aches just like a woman
but she breaks just like a little girl.

queen mary, she's my friend
yes, i believe i'll go see her again
nobody has to guess
that baby can't be blessed
till she sees finally that she's like all the rest
with her fog, her amphetamine and her pearls.

she takes just like a woman, yes, she does
she makes love just like a woman, yes, she does
and she aches just like a woman
but she breaks just like a little girl.

it was raining from the first
and i was dying there of thirst
so i came in here
and your long-time curse hurts

but what's worse
is this pain in here
i can't stay in here
ain't it clear that--

i just can't fit
yes, i believe it's time for us to quit
when we meet again
introduced as friends
please don't let on that you knew me when
i was hungry and it was your world.

ah, you fake just like a woman, yes, you do
you make love just like a woman, yes, you do
then you ache just like a woman
but you break just like a little girl.


the bf came back last night.

he made me pasta for dinner.

then he cheered me up.


giggle. i got a parking ticket in northeast minneapolis last night. i also had to go to sears to do some gift receipt research.

my life is so fricking glamorous!

i have decided to throw myself into helping with someone else's wedding. i spent a good portion of this morning sending links of venues to the bf's sister. i omitted my site, but i will mention it in passing in case she latches onto it. and to free my conscience.

last night..

me: she wants italian for dinner. should i suggest broders? there's a patio!
the bf: why not? it's a good place.
me: but it's our place!
the bf: it can be someone else's place too.


not the point.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007


the bf's sister left me a voicemail.

she asked me to help with her wedding.



i love weddings.


dear wf who drives a black four door alero with plates hmj 299:

i am very angry with you.

i know that people in cars accidentally hit other cars. every day.

accidents happen. people happen. hell, life happens.

but i also believe that when you cause an accident, you have a choice.

you can be a good person, write a note, and karma will leave you alone.

or, you can walk away and pretend like nothing happened.

and then, my dear, karma will find you.

if i don't track you down myself, i am at least comforted by the fact that you will not get away with it.

you may not know it, but i will.


ps. dear robin who left a note: bless your heart. people like you make me believe in people.

pps. dear parking ramp security: thank you for helping me out. maybe we'll find this crazy broad and make her pay.

ppps. dear 311 operator: sorry if i called the wrong number. i didn't even know 311 existed. the parking ramp security guy gave it to me. no need to be so crabby when i am trying to be so nice.

pppps. dear hit-and-run line operator: if there was a special number that people need to call to report a hit and run, no one knows about it. thanks for telling me i shouldn't have left the accident sight after i already left. thank you also for directing me to the nearest precinct to report the problem. in short, thanks for a big bucket of nothing. *&$%.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


i think every girl i pass who fits the right description is you.

sometimes i stop whatever i am doing to look.

i can't hear what is going on around me. i am suddenly stuck in a vaccuum. i hold my breath.

my mind swirls with judgement.

i wonder about you. what you really look like. why i feel the need to see you.

because you were his last. because you are a lovely woman. and he thought you deserved better.

better than what? better than what i am getting?

because one time he told me that i reminded him of you.

at the time, i didn't mind. where were we going anyway. fast route to nowhere.

except, we are still here.

and you are still here. with me.

Sunday, May 20, 2007


spent sunday with my family.

played wii sports and ate.

i finally found sports that i excel at, and they live within a videogame console.

of course, in real life i stink at all sports, despite my competitiveness.

i am usually benched in real life. or assigned some kind of cheerleading role.


i knocked out the bf in boxing. i beat my brother at tennis. the bf and i tied 0-0 in baseball.

i am the sports princess in the land of videogames.

i always wanted the love my parents have. the crazy love.

they are obsessed with landscaping the backyard and taking pictures of birds. they go grocery shopping before anyone else gets up but forgets eggs for breakfast. my dad naps anytime he is not running around. my mom still thinks my dad is cute. my mom beat my dad at wii boxing. she almost came close to beating him at tennis. she cuts fruit. pineapple. cantaloupe. they laugh together and are not only thrilled by their children, but by each other.

they are crazy these days.

but there are certainly worse things to be.


i hear an airplane overhead.

i would like to imagine that it is carrying the bf tonight.

the 9:50* flight to seattle is taking him from me this evening.

duty calls the bf through wednesday.

and so i am at home. but it doesn't feel so much like home.

because he isn't here with me.

* at the sound of the plane, i looked at the clock. 9:50p. i thought of the bf. what? an nwa flight took off on time?

Saturday, May 19, 2007

w.a. frost

we went to w.a. frost on cathedral hill.

sat outside on the patio. it was beautiful. the lights got brighter as the night turned darker.

we ordered salads. mine was a haricot vert salad. his a selection of lettuces.

salmon and ziti for dinner. the salmon was divine. the melt-in-your-mouth kind.

two glasses of white wine.

and us.

i told him about how i had thought about asking him to marry me. last holiday season.

with an engraved version of this ring:

and he said he would like the chance to ask. me.

he asked the size of my ring finger. outright this time, instead of trying to measure my rings on his fingers.

instead of taking my other rings and slipping it on my ring finger.

i will wait.

Friday, May 18, 2007

al fresco

the bf is taking me on a surprise dinner date tonight.

the only instructions i received were to wear something warm. something you could be outside in for a while.

like, casual? what kind of outside? hiking outside or standing outside? outside on a patio or on a lawn? outside for dinner sitting down or listening to an orchestra at the bandshell? what does one wear with that simple direction?

so i am opting for a dress. with a cover-up.

open air.

i figured out what was bothering me about our relationship. my friends have been giving me time to breathe, i'd like to think. either that or they are just sick of me talking about it and are finally at a loss for words. perhaps a little of both.

i am a planner. i am a dreamer. i like to build my future. on a daily basis. the plans range in complexity from my birthday party in december to moving to austin. i want to be able to count on the bf. to count on us. for the long-term. i feel like i am building my dreams and desires on a shaky foundation simply because i don't know where our relationship will be six months from now. or even a year from now.

that's all i need. to know that we will be around for a while.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


delight in the little things.

fresh lychee soy candle.


small things. small breaths. small steps.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


something old.

something new.

something borrowed.



is how i am feeling today. the bf's sister is engaged. her bf whisked her away for a trip to italy. and in rome, he proposed.

now i am ashamed of how i feel.

disappointed (adjective). upset, saddened, let down, cast down, disheartened, downhearted, downcast, depressed, dispirited, discouraged, despondent, dismayed, crestfallen, distressed, chagrined; disenchanted, disillusioned; displeased, discontented, dissatisfied, frustrated, disgruntled; informal choked, bummed (out), miffed, cut up.

just give me one more pity day. then i will snap out of it. i promise.

Sunday, May 13, 2007


last night was fantastic.

good friends from madison came to town. pants and her good husband, mr. pants.

we met up at french meadow for dinner. vegan pasta. butternut squash ravioli. tempeh cutlets. house special spaghetti. miso salmon.

and three bottles of pinot grigio.

eight of us: comprised of married couples, a couple, solo for the evening, and solo with baby.

we laughed. played musical chairs to talk to one another.

we shared key lime pie, chocolate flourless cake, and molten lava cake.

all this right when i was feeling down about friendships. my light has rekindled.

i am spoiled and overwhelmed.

cheers to good friends. hope to see you again soon.

Saturday, May 12, 2007


i made dinner last night.

it turned out surprisingly well, considering all the prerequisites i had for it. i wanted to use imitation crab. i wanted to use fresh peas.* i wanted bread with olive oil and parmesan. in short, i had cravings, and i needed them sated.

anyway. i went to the grocery store after work. i was selecting ingredients for some random recipe i found on the internet, not really sticking to it, trying to figure out a substitute for feta, when i ran into s. s is highly proficient in the cooking realm, so i was relieved to see her. i showed her the recipe, and she was doubtful. she helped me pick out crumbly gorgonzola. she pointed out a fantastic champagne dressing. she recommended peas in a can for peas.**

i happily drove home, ready to throw all these ingredients together.

ugh. thawing anything frozen is not fun. i am impatient and willed the cold water to work quickly. i put the spinach, crab, tomatoes, and peas in a salad bowl. i tore up bread and put out a plate with olive oil and parmesan. the bf came over with a bottle of gewurztraminer sans corkscrew. screwless.***

however. dinner was delightful. i sighed as a sat down and took my first bites. "what's wrong?" the bf asked. "this is perfect. this is everything i wanted for tonight."

later on that night, i asked the bf how one buys fresh peas, bright green peas, not the washed out looking ones from the can. he laughed and told me you have to buy them in pods. i asked if they came in bunches, like grapes. and you can also eat the pods, yes? he had never heard of eating the pods. but what about pea pods? and no, peas are not found inside green beans, in case you were wondering.

whatever. like everyone else knows.

* i wanted fresh peas. i called the bf to find out how to purchase fresh peas. in the recipe it called for canned or frozen, but i felt like there had to be another way.

** s doesn't like peas, so rarely buys them. i'll get to the point about peas later.

***on so many levels. wink.

Friday, May 11, 2007


i am having one of my freakout weeks, complete with a nightmare about the bf.

although relatively calm, i am having a hard time understanding. one of my infinite weak moments. my head hurts from trying to relax and not think about it. i try to let it go, but in doing so, i let myself go. i am too in touch with myself for my own good. i lose myself in my own thoughts, and i wonder if i am building my own future only to never see it materialize.

i feel like when you find something, you should grab it and hold on. make it yours. if you find something like this, you jump on it and pronounce it yours. always.

i struggle with myself because i feel like i am slipping away, wondering about the future when right now is so perfect. but that is the trouble with capricorns. i plan and plan and plan and forget about today. i can't remember that you tell me that you want to be with me now because i am so focused on living the life i dream of living with you in the future.

i want that.

i want to be with you. i want to come home to you. or perhaps more accurately, i want you to come home to me.

okay. i feel better now. have a wonderful weekend.

Thursday, May 10, 2007


i called the shop yesterday morning. and resigned.

then i let out a loud sigh and let tom petty woo me all the way to work.

i missed the turn to 100 north so i drove down lake street to hennepin avenue to get downtown.

i shrugged and let it all slide.


i had an equally relaxing evening at home. a nice change of pace.

cereal for dinner because that's all i wanted.

i even went for a long drive and listened to petty while i cried.

because sometimes you just need a good cry.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007


tagged by whiskey marie. to tell ten things about me.

1. i had absolutely no desire to get laid on prom night, both junior and senior years.

2. when something leaves my hands, i automatically forget about it. much like goldfish. oh! a castle. ... oh! a cas...

3. my nipples are the size of peanut m&ms. no joke.

4. i wear a lot of black. mostly because i look good in it. when i was in junior high, i started a slam book and one of the pages was 'wears the most black.' i won.

5. i am obsessed with my hair. the condition of my hair pretty much makes or breaks my day.

6. i love my family so much that i cry about it.

7. in the summer i like to drink water "spiked" with fruit. and ice. lots and lots of ice.

8. i do not think the world would be easier if everyone was more like me. i already know that i would drive myself crazy.

9. i am highly tactile. when i go shopping, i have to touch everything. i will not buy anything that doesn't feel good. the only situation i do not like being touched is by strangers. trying to pick me up.

10. when i was younger, i thought the best day to get married would be 5.05.05. that did not work out. obviously.

tag! you're it.

Monday, May 07, 2007

lone star

a brief moment in austin.

we arrived late. rented a car. upgraded to a cadillac cts. rowr.

the bf was in a hurry to get downtown. i couldn't understand why. much like the bf always knows when something is wrong, i always know when something is up. especially since he seemed too eager to go bar hopping. we made a pit stop at hotel san jose. the bf wanted to move on. i didn't. we went to the four seasons. the bf made a beeline for the bar. i lagged behind. then we "bumped" into his friends from new york. a ha.

hotel san jose: it's like someone's pool party. i fell in love with it.

four seasons: piano bar and ketel tonics.

bats on the congress avenue bridge: it was too cloudy to wait for the emergence, but the bf made me walk under the bridge. i got the crawlies, but it was still fun. 700,000 sleeping bats! shudder.

magnolia cafe: soft chips and warm salsa. fish tacos. long walk with the bf for a late lunch.

fonda san miguel: calamares. taco al pastor. scallops with white rice. coconut sorbet. sangria. it was amazing. i stuffed myself until i slowly pushed away the sorbet.

northcross suites: we chose to take a nap in our caddie. need i say more?

mansion at judges' hill or austin motel would be a better bet.

overall: wonderful, wonderful weekend.


we hosted dinner tonight.

with good friends.

and good food.

they lost my reservation at pizza nea, so i was unable to place the mini pineapple favors upon the table.

the staff compensated with a complimentary round of drinks.

and with a fantastic glass of orvieto, i relaxed.

and laughed. stuffed myself with rucola pizza. and a variety of other flavors.

afterwards, the bf and i collapsed on the couch. then moved to my bed.

woke up at 1:30a and i asked him if he wanted to stay.

it reminded me of when we used to fight over sleeping over. when he would stay, i would win. when he left, i lost.

tonight he pulled me to him. firmly. like mine.

and whether or not he stayed or went home, i knew i had won.

a perfect cap to a perfect weekend.

Friday, May 04, 2007


get me out of here!

i am busy.


i did manage to taste a pineapple mango empanada from starbucks.

it was amazing. truly amazing. try it! you will like it.

in other news: i think i have to break up with another toxic friend. i feel dragged down. blamed for no reason. a designated scapegoat for someone else's insecurities.

i am tired of trying.

and you know what? i don't need it. not now, when i feel like my life is coming together.

who is it? is it you?

Wednesday, May 02, 2007


is where we are going for the weekend.



i've been itching to visit. first to see my friend joe.

but as i read more about it, the more i wanted to go.

hotel san jose. bats on the congress avenue bridge. bbq. town lake.

it is going to be hot, baby.

and i cannot wait.


bling bling bling

i want you. i want you to sit on my finger and whisper sweet nothings to me. i want to wear you like i've never worn a ring before. i want to take you out for a spin. to flirt with you. to marvel at your blue sparkle. i want to let you buy me things. i want you to tell me that you've never felt like this before, that i'm the only one for you.

i want to make you mine.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

classic bf

an email i received this morning:

my car keys, house keys, office keys, garage keys and motorcycle keys are in your car.

please remind me to get them out of your car this evening. k?

i hope you're having a good day!