Tuesday, February 27, 2007


new york was a good time.

well, it was a roller coaster ride of a good time.

took the light rail to the airport. my bag was searched and my cleanser and toothpaste were taken. my stomach was feeling unsettled. no dinner.

s and i were separated during the flight. j and his son sat down next to me. how lovely.


in between stories of his first wife, his second wife, and all the ladies since, he kept hitting on me.

we took off and the turbulence never let up. near the end, i was shaking and trying not to cry and throw up at the same time.

horrible flight.

we took a shaky cab ride to pe's. some wheat thins and hours later, we made our way to p's apartment.

s, p, and i poured hearts until morning.

brunch. lovely. laid out. wonderful. brunch. nutella. tofu cream cheese. bagels. fruit salad. freshly squeezed grapefruit juice. medium boiled eggs. coffee. cheeses. tomato slices. grapes. mmm.

we took turns at central park, the moma, and soho. we walked around and talked, linked arms and laughed.

j, s, m, pe, p and i dined at sala one nine, with pitchers of sangria and seafood paella.

afterwards, drinking at le souk. the music was lively. as were the bellydancers. we also made a stop at lit and danced to the oldies.

i think i totaled six hours of sleep for the whole weekend.

our flight was cancelled on sunday morning. but my superhero bf got us home.

it was a full weekend, and i enjoyed it. and it is nice to be back.

Friday, February 23, 2007


it's going to be a girlie weekend!

i am off to new york at 7p tonight.

s and i will fly together. we are meeting m, p, and j tomorrow for a full day of the moma and shopping. and dinner and drinks. and more drinks.

this morning the bf asked me: "how many guys will hit on you?"

i said, "how many girls will i run into that you've dated?"

the bf replied, "not as many as the number of guys who will hit on you."

blush. oh stop. no, go on.

it reminds me of our bootycall days when he would ask, "how many guys are you sleeping with?"

the good old days.

but i digress. let the giggling begin!

Thursday, February 22, 2007


patience has never been mine.

i have been waiting for something.

i know what i want.

except this time, i felt like i wanted something that was right.

turns out, i missed the mark again.

and now i wonder if i have it in me to wait for something that might never come.

strike that.

i know i don't have it in me.

it's okay though. i am optimistic that someday it will happen.

just not today.

i find solace in knowing that i at least know i am wrong, versus trying to believe in something i didn't know.

out of the dark.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

my ride

is everyone sick of hearing about my car?

i have to drive to wa-y-za-ta to clean out my car today. sniff.

the bf said that i should take a momento from it.

i thought long and hard about that one.

and i want to take a ducati rim home.

oh, the green bullet. sigh.

150,000 miles and still purring. just. like. me.


rest in peace, darling.

*actual car not shown. image is aspirational es350, the es300 is seemingly no longer available for purchase. too classic for the world to handle. also not shown are the genuine ducati rims and gold decals. pimp.

Monday, February 19, 2007

it's official

the green bullet is totaled.

[dramatic pause]


looks like i'll be getting a new bullet.

color to be determined.

i will keep you all posted.

thank you for all the well wishes.



Friday, February 16, 2007


guess what i get to drive?!

i made a big stink about not getting a car on valentine's day, and especially about having to drive a standard vehicle like the kia optima.

so, they told me they would knock off a bit of the daily rental rate, making the rate from $45 per day to $40, which still meant that since her insurance company would only pay the standard daily rental rate of $21 per day, that the difference would be my out of pocket cost.

i told her that i had no interest in paying anything over what her insurance would cover, given that the accident was clearly not my fault.

she told me to call the insurance agency and work it out. i tried, and left voicemail messages.

i slumped up against the counter and said, i guess i'll take that kia.

she looked at me with a grimace and said, but the volvo has heated seats.

i was all, baby, you had me at volvo.

so she said, how about $5 more a day?


so now i am driving a volvo s40. and hoping that my car is not totaled.

Thursday, February 15, 2007


for valentine's day, i got a car accident.

meaning, i was driving to my dentist appointment, mere blocks away, when a white mercedes slammed into my car (my side, no less).

she had a stop sign. i did not.

brakes slammed, glass sprayed, tired squealed.

i was shaking when she came over to my door to ask if i was okay.

i called the bf, and when i was sure he was on his way, i climbed out the passenger door into her car.

after that, three hours on the phone with her insurance, my insurance, my dentist, my work, my mom, a tow truck, an auto body shop, the clinic, a rental car service, and only then did i get a moment to relax.

my back is sore. and my neck hurts. and because i had a cut on my face from the glass, i had to have a tetanus shot. ouch!

today, i am fine. nothing is broken except my c(he)ar(t).

happy valentine's day to me!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007


this is the card i wanted to get for the bf:

but this is the one i really got him:

both echo my sentiments exactly.

happy valentine's day to you and yours.

kiss kiss.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007


for some reason, i thought this headline was hilarious:

Roses on steroids say 'I love you’ in a big way

i am pretty sure that if the bf sent me these:

i would wonder if he ever really knew me.

bigger isn't always better. (that's what i always tell the bf, anyway)

Monday, February 12, 2007

lunch money

i only have brief thoughts for you today.

i loaned someone money for lunch. an i know where you work kind of thing.

it has been about three weeks since and she has not paid me back. she has not even acknowledged that she will pay me back. or that we should do lunch again soon so we can complete the whole borrow and return concept.

now i am frustrated, because she is not someone i would consider a friend where i would let it slide.

so my plan is to ask if she wants to go to lunch someday this week, except i am so frustrated about the fact that she owes me money that i do not want to punish myself further by trying to make small talk with her for an hour.

i am contemplating just sending an email.

a graceful email.

it wasn't even that much money. i feel like i should drop it. i really hate asking for what is rightfully mine.

and i do not like to remind people to be thoughtful. and mindful. and considerate.

i am not your mother.

just buy me lunch.

Sunday, February 11, 2007


while finger combing my hair today (i find i get the best results by doing so after a quick comb and run through of aveda's light elements smoothing fluid), i found a white hair.

you can imagine my dismay.

happy sunday to you, too.

Friday, February 09, 2007


is it just me, or does everyone's laundry day turn into a tangled web due to the inordinate amount of thongs in their drawer?


last friday, i surprised the bf with a date.

i picked him up after work and we proceeded (at best, a slow crawl along 94e) to downtown st.paul.

it was like that scene from swingers where trent and mike are screaming "vegas baby! vegas! baby we're going to be up five hundy by midnight!" and four hours later, a halfhearted "vegas.....baby.....vegas."

and since it was a surprise, the bf could not share in my enthusiastic roller coaster ride. he probably just sat there, wondering why the eff we were going to st.paul during rush hour.

we pulled off fifth street and saw the bright lights of the xcel. i told him to watch the videoboard.

are we going to the rodeo?

yes! i giggled. i was delighted.

we had arrived at WTC. the world's toughest cowboy.


we were invited to the vip reception, so we made our way to the fishing lodge. after scarfing down a burger and mingling for a bit, we went to find our seats. sixth row.

i hadn't counted on the smell.

still, scent aside, our seats were pretty great.

the first round was the saddle bronc, where cowboys ride on horses with saddles. when a horse sped through our section, i would scream, "too close! too close!" as if someone was going to do something about it. after a particularly close rail ride, the bf and i both cowered under the flying debris. looking down, we saw a big...chunk (i maintain it was dirt. the bf begs to differ).

definitely too close.

but the horses were beautiful. the bud was bland. and i had a ball of a time at the rodeo.

"baby look at me, look at me. you're money, and you know what else? you're a big winner tonight."

Thursday, February 08, 2007


to the bf:

thank you for last night.


p.s. see? our relationship isn't totally about sex!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007


an open letter:

in my heart, i know you.

and yet.

when you tell me something i accept it as your truth. when you tell me another thing my head tells me that you are being dishonest. and my heart cannot hold that much.

inconsistent truths.

i hear in your voice that you love me. but you also tell me different things that don't fit together. suddenly i don't know who you are. i just want you to be you. and when you don't make sense, suddenly we don't make sense.



tell me one thing. then tell me something else. tell me why no two answers are alike.

i remember what you tell me. i drink it in. because i take what i can get from you. perhaps the rest is just wistful thinking. to have you is wonderful. to have all of you, the true you, might be too much to ask. it strikes me as curious that the same thing you wish of me is what i wish of you. because i need to know you. i want to know you. i love the you i know.

the thing that stays the same is your love for me. and maybe that is good enough.


Tuesday, February 06, 2007


things that make me mad:

* missing eye exams due to parking lot traffic
* stories that don't make sense
* tights as pants
* losing my cool at work
* misunderstandings, lost connections, inconsistent truths
* wanting things that i cannot have

that being said, i am having a wonderful day. i am thinking about a holiday with the bf. i cannot wait. i love taking time off and forgetting the date. and last year cabo with the bf was blissful.


take me away. and aside from dreaming up places to go, i am daydreaming of what i will wear (and everything i won't wear). i just wanna be naked with the bf! all day! with no place to go! and nothing to do! exclamation point.

Monday, February 05, 2007

chicken legs

the bf has shown me...

it is not

how many stars your hotel has...

or what you wear to bed...

or how big your house is...

but who you love...

that really matters.

Friday, February 02, 2007


i miss marshall fields.

nevertheless, today i went on a mission to track these down:

macy's. downtown.

last pair of sevens. my size.

i spotted them yesterday, and told myself if i was still thinking about them today i would buy them. if. they. were. still. there. if not, it was not meant to be, right? it's the shopping destiny test.

and today it was a match made in heaven. these shoes were my fate, my future lovers to have and to hold. my feet, that is.

i noticed a scuff across the bridge of the shoe. aargh. unhappy girl. the salesperson said she could take ten percent off the price. not good enough if that still leaves me with a scuffed shoe. she gave me a ticket for the shoe repair in the basement. said if i was wearing red that she would take another ten percent. self check: no red. she said she would pretend anyway and i ended up getting the pair at twenty percent off.


i went down to the macy's basment shoe repair. delightful man made my shoe look better, compliments of macy's.

what service! now that, that is the way retail should always make people feel.

happy credit card. happy girl. happy feet.

happies all around.

Thursday, February 01, 2007


i went to beaujo's last night.

paintings by patrick pryor. amazing.

over petite burgers, corn chowder, and winter warm spinach salad. mmm.

quick hugs with stephen. smooch smooch. he shows off his cat, stella.

i met with special, who regaled me with stories including:

1. how she needs to patent her top secret shower door idea
2. her best nestle tollhouse cookie recipe, and the secret way she uses butter in her baking
3. her idea for having a cookie stand at the minnesota state fair
4. her future snl tryout because tina and amy have not yet perfected dumb

special and i can best be described as the real life versions of cher and di from clueless.

think we're not?

we can recite the whole movie, line by line.

and our favorite quote, of course, is:

"she's my friend because we both know what it's like for people to be jealous of us."

and cut.