you don't own me

my bf is used to doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants. (not with me, that would be stupid)

he works for an airline, and with a free ticket to anywhere in the world, he takes full advantage. i don't blame him. if i were in his place, i'd probably be blowing this root beer popsicle stand for oh: cornish, new hampshire, to have my picture taken in front of j.d. salinger's mailbox, or albuquerque, new mexico, for the hot air balloon festival. but he can actually do all those things whenever he wants.

and therein lies the botheration.

i love that he is a traveler. but my darling bf is not a planner. i am a hyper-planner. i believe that i can have 4 dates in one night and make them all. nay, not simply make, but shine.

a typical conversation between us:
me: i'm thinking about throwing a dinner party on saturday, june 24!
bf: oh? i might be out of town that weekend.

and when the date nears, he will still not have a firm decision made. a variety of factors will influence his decision, including: flight availability, what he had for breakfast, friends, what color he is wearing, me, social engagements, weather patterns.

[when we first started dating, i asked him if he and d. would like to join me and n. for a performance at an art gallery on friday. on that friday, he called me from the airport to let me know that he would not actually be in town. oh? oh?! his rudeness was greeted with coldness. needless to say, i didn't speak with him the rest of that weekend.]

flash forward nine months. my dinner party was supposed to take place tomorrow. since then, my bf has decided to: a) go to south dakota because his sister might go, b) not go because the weather is nice here, c) go because he wants to see his dad, d) not go because his sister is not going, to finally e) go because he feels like it. it's a loves-me-loves-me-not game come full circle.

funny, our relationship is a full circle, loves-me-loves-me-more game.