red

omg.

all i can tell you about this morning is that i was in the bathroom for twenty minutes alternating between frantically dabbing my light grey pants with water and patting them dry, hoping for the love of everything that there will be no telltale signs that i, of all people, am a frigging woman who is currently not pregnant.

get it before it sets! get it before it sets!

i mean, what the f? i come to work all innocent-like, all the while my body is planning to play this cruel joke on me. and on a day that i have a client meeting. of course. cripes almighty, control yourself.

wild scenarios raced across my mind as i contemplated a) running to my car to drive home and change b) running to the gap to buy new pants and c) staying in the bathroom and calling in sick. i closed my eyes. i thought of better places, better avenues of escape, better anything.

then, a light came down and cleared my head. blink blink. everything happened in slow motion as the spots gave way to light grey. exhale.

and all was right with the world.