blossom

i am resigning today.

i am shaking.

i do not like to let people down, but today i am doing something for me.

my middle name is 'hun sui', chosen by my late grandfather, and roughly translates to a rice bud just before it blossoms.

meaning, my whole life i have felt that i am on the brink of something big, something amazing, something wonderful.

and this week i feel like i am blooming.

everything is light, i can't stop smiling, i am smitten.

and yet, nervous as hell because even though i have been so unhappy that i have broken down in tears, feeling heartbroken, and chanting 'bless this job for the person who will love it,' i still feel sadness with leaving.

i will miss the people, i will miss lunches with l., but i will not miss the job.

whom will john wave to when no one is in the window?